Last week brought a cherished opportunity to reconnect with college friends after years apart. Despite my personal growth in self-love, self-compassion, and acceptance, I harbored fears that our paths had diverged too much. Would they still understand and accept me, especially with my new name, Laylani, and the spiritual journey that has transformed me profoundly?

Their acceptance was not only immediate but also heartwarming. My friend Rach's words, "These transformations are still very on-brand for you," resonated deeply, reminding me that the fears of judgment we often fear are merely reflections of our own self-judgments.

This reunion underscored a powerful lesson captured by a quote I recently encountered: "If you're going to be weird, be confident about it." My own 'weirdness,' or unique journey, is precisely what I believe the world needs. I champion self-love and self-compassion not just as teachings but as vital nourishments for my soul.

As I continue to walk this path of love and compassion, I want to share the insights and opportunities that enrich my journey. Whether it’s through reading and sharing articles, attending local events in Austin, tuning into podcasts, or engaging with the Compassion Code Academy, your involvement is immensely meaningful.

Let us celebrate our unique paths and the distinctiveness that each of us brings to the table. It’s in embracing our true selves that we can truly make a difference. Here's to the beauty of our weirdness and the impact it has when we are confidently ourselves.

Sixteen years ago, I lost my precious mother. Just a few weeks ago, as another anniversary passed, I found myself wrestling with a familiar, haunting question: “Shouldn’t I be over this by now?”

This moment of self-doubt strikes a chord that is all too familiar, not just for me, but for anyone navigating the choppy waters of grief. It’s curious how we can become our own harshest critics, especially under the duress of stress and exhaustion. This self-judgment starkly contradicts everything I advocate for in my teachings about embracing our emotions as essential parts of the human experience.

What I am continually relearning is that grief does not adhere to a linear timeline. Anniversaries, birthdays, or even hearing a favorite song can evoke profound feelings. These moments remind us to “feel big” and embrace our emotions fully. Over time, I’ve learned that the more space I allow myself to feel, to cry, and to acknowledge my grief, the less intense the pain becomes during those previously overwhelming "special days."

This realization has led me to a deeper understanding: our feelings are always valid, encompassing grief and every facet of life. If self-judgment haunts you, particularly during times of change, I invite you to join a community committed to navigating these emotions together.

The Unconditional Love Line Collective (formerly known as The Compassion Collective) is a sanctuary where we explore the art of managing emotions, cultivating self and mutual compassion, and mastering effective communication. This community is for those who seek to transform their relationship with themselves and others through heartfelt understanding and support.

If you’re ready to explore this journey and connect with kindred spirits, join us by clicking here. Let’s embrace our feelings together, acknowledging that even when grief revisits, we are not alone in our experiences.

In the intricate dance of human relationships, confronting the disappointment of others is an unavoidable part of our existence, especially for those of us who have journeyed through life as people-pleasers. This week, I found myself navigating this familiar terrain once again, reflecting deeply on its profound impact.

From a young age, my drive to avoid disappointing others steered me towards a path of perfectionism. This pursuit, while well-intentioned, often led to burnout and self-sacrifice, revealing the unsustainable nature of seeking flawlessness in an inherently imperfect world.

The journey to unravel the layers of people-pleasing has been transformative. It has taught me to extend love and grace to myself, even in moments of failure. Learning that disappointing others is a natural part of life was a critical milestone. It taught me that disappointment is often not malicious; it's usually just a byproduct of our limitations as humans who can't read minds or meet every expectation.

Sometimes, the disappointment we cause is unintentional. Other times, it results from making tough decisions that honor our inner truth over external expectations. In these moments, offering an apology for any unintended hurt can be a powerful act of kindness—it doesn't diminish our self-worth but reinforces our integrity.

Practical Steps for Self-Compassion:

As I continue to grow, I've adopted several practices to help manage the impact of others' disappointment:

• Own Your Part and Apologize When Needed: Recognizing our role in a situation and apologizing can be empowering. It helps mend relationships and is essentially an act of forgiving ourselves.

• Deep Breath and Self-Affirmation: In moments of criticism or disapproval, I remind myself, "I love myself enough." This mantra helps to soothe and reaffirm my commitment to self-love and acceptance.

If these reflections resonate with you, and you're seeking a community that values growth and compassion, consider joining The Unconditional Love Line Collective. Here, we support each other in developing compassion for ourselves and mastering effective communication, empowering each other to navigate life's challenges with grace.

In closing, disappointing others is not a measure of our worth but a part of our human experience. By embracing this, we open ourselves to genuine growth and deeper connections, both with ourselves and those around us. Let's continue to support one another in this journey, fostering a world where compassion leads the way.

As we step into the new year, I invite you to join me in sparking a revolution—not of grand gestures, but one that begins within the confines of our own hearts and minds. This year, let’s revolutionize how we treat ourselves by replacing resolutions with permission to authentically be ourselves.

In a world that often praises self-sacrifice and downplays the need for self-care, it’s revolutionary to choose a path that prioritizes our own well-being. For those of us accustomed to roles as strivers, survivors, doers, achievers, and people-pleasers, this shift can feel radical, yet it is vital.

For too long, many of us have been ensnared by the idea that self-compassion is akin to selfishness. But what if we could see it as essential as breathing?

Dr. Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion provides us with three powerful steps to begin this journey:

1. Kindness to Yourself: Offer yourself the same kindness and patience that you would extend to a dear friend.

2. Common Humanity: Recognize that suffering and imperfection are part of the shared human experience.

3. Mindfulness: Acknowledge and observe your feelings without judgment.

Embracing these aspects can lead to a profound shift from isolation to interconnectedness, from self-criticism to nurturing self-love.

Practical Exercise: Start by noticing how you speak to yourself—this awareness is the first step. Once you observe your patterns, gently begin to shift from harsh self-criticism to compassionate self-dialogue.

Remember, adopting self-compassion is not merely a personal upgrade; it’s a radical act that revolutionizes how we interact with the world. It allows us to serve and love not just ourselves but others with a more genuine, generous heart.

As we navigate through 2024, I encourage you to view self-compassion not as a luxury but as a fundamental part of your daily life. It’s essential for those who strive to lead, love, and live with integrity and authenticity.

If you’re looking to deepen your practice of self-compassion and explore its transformative impact, I invite you to join our community- The Compassion Collective.

Wishing you a year filled with kindness, connection, and the unshakeable knowledge that you are enough—just as you are.

As we usher in the new year, I want to honor the incredible path you've traveled. To all the strivers, survivors, doers, achievers, people-pleasers, and perfectionists: this message is for you.

In the relentless pursuit of perfection, many of us find ourselves constantly striving to figure everything out. However, there's a powerful antidote to this exhausting chase: Self-Compassion.

Self-compassion isn't about letting yourself off the hook; it's about extending the same kindness to yourself that you would to a friend in distress. It's a soothing balm that counters the harsh whispers of perfectionism, which often asks, "Why haven’t you figured this out yet?" Instead, self-compassion lovingly affirms, "I am so proud of you for keeping an open heart and mind as you navigate life."

Perfectionism might cruelly question, "What’s wrong with you?" But self-compassion reassures, "It’s okay to feel deeply and seek support. This journey is complex, and it’s okay to not have all the answers."

This shift in dialogue from self-criticism to self-support can significantly alter how we perceive ourselves and our struggles. Symptoms like perfectionism, over-giving, and people-pleasing often stem from a deep-seated belief that we are not enough. Let me tell you, unequivocally, that you are more than enough just as you are.

You might be facing challenges, but you are not broken. In fact, you are the hero of your own life. Consider this: What do heroes do when faced with pain, hardship, or heartache? They don’t see themselves as failures; they rise to the occasion and embark on a journey of self-discovery.

As you set your goals and resolutions for the year, remember that self-compassion is your most steadfast ally. It supports you when you stumble and reminds you of your inherent worth.

Here’s to a year filled with self-discovery, compassion, and celebrating the hero within you. You’re not just surviving the story of your life; you’re mastering it with grace.

As we approach the dawn of a new year, many of us begin the familiar tradition of setting resolutions—those firm declarations of intention that often, sadly, go unmet. But before you start drafting your goals for 2024, I invite you to consider a different approach: letting go.

During a journey through Thailand with my husband Aaron in 2010, we encountered a profound Thai New Year's Eve tradition that has reshaped our approach to welcoming the new year. Rather than setting goals, the focus is on what to let go of—those parts of our lives that no longer serve us.

That night, we were introduced to the ritual of releasing a lantern into the night sky, symbolizing the release of burdens and past pains. On that transformative New Year’s Eve, I chose to release the lingering fear and sadness from my mother's death in 2008. The act was simple yet powerful—I spent the night releasing pent-up tears on the beach, and by morning, I felt an unprecedented sense of rejuvenation. It was a magical and deeply cleansing experience, and I haven't been the same since.

Inspired by this tradition, here’s how you can create your own ritual of letting go to genuinely embrace the new year:

1. Identify and Acknowledge: Reflect on what feelings or behaviors you wish to release. This introspection is crucial—it's about recognizing what’s holding you back.

2. Share and Declare: Write down your intentions and share them aloud with someone who will listen without judgment. Their role isn’t to advise but to acknowledge, allowing you to feel supported in your release.

3. Ritualize the Release: Engage in a ritual that symbolizes letting go. Whether it's burning a piece of paper, releasing a lantern, or tearing up a document, find a method that resonates with you.

After clearing the old, consider setting a tone for the year by choosing a single word that embodies how you want to feel or what you wish to cultivate—like peace, presence, or confidence. Use this word to guide your decisions throughout the year, ensuring they align with your true desires and the essence you wish to embody.

This New Year, let’s shift our focus from adding more to our lives to first clearing out what no longer serves us. By doing so, we make space for new growth, opportunities, and a renewed sense of self that can truly transform our lives.

May you find strength in release, and may your chosen word illuminate your path throughout the year. Here’s to a year of meaningful change, starting from within.

The holiday season often presents unexpected opportunities for personal growth—sometimes in surprisingly painful ways. This weekend, a simple holiday potluck gathering unfolded into an unexpected revelation about breaking ancestral patterns and embracing authenticity, thanks to a conversation with my six-year-old son, Kai.

As we entered the festive gathering at a friend's home, my anxiety was palpable. With our friend still recovering from an illness, I felt a strong responsibility to maintain a respectful atmosphere. To ensure this, I asked Kai to "play the role of a big, grown-up boy for a few hours." His response, however, stopped me in my tracks and tugged at my heartstrings.

"You’re asking me not to be myself," Kai said, his eyes filling with tears.

In that moment, I recognized the weight of the expectation I was placing on him—an expectation rooted in my own childhood experiences of being told to "be a good girl" to gain acceptance and love. These words, intended to guide, often led to suppressing my true self to fit into societal expectations.

Kai, with his innocent wisdom, challenged this inherited narrative. We renegotiated, allowing him to be his mindful self from school, which was more than appropriate for our gathering. This exchange not only helped Kai but also offered me a profound insight: It highlighted the possibility of shedding the burdensome pattern of molding ourselves to meet others' expectations.

As I watched Kai adapt and enjoy the party, I realized the depth of the lesson he had offered me. This experience became a stepping stone in healing ancestral wounds and moving towards genuine authenticity. The tears I shed were not just of realization but of liberation from the anxiety of people-pleasing.

This holiday season, I hope my story with Kai inspires you to reflect on the expectations you carry. May it encourage you to break free from the chains of outdated norms and allow your true self to shine brilliantly.

As we continue our journey towards authentic living, let us remember that the most significant gifts often come from unexpected sources—like a simple conversation with a child at a holiday potluck.

Even amidst the festive cheer, the holiday season can underscore deeper sorrows—reflecting on the year's hardships can stir up a mix of emotions. The past year, 2023, has been fraught with global and personal tragedies—from wars and natural disasters to personal losses like the death of loved ones or the pain of divorce. These events remind us that, sometimes, tragedy feels inescapable.

While it's common to try and find solace in counting our blessings, I've realized that silver linings often don't help as much as we hope. For instance, after my mom passed away suddenly in 2008, I found myself listing reasons to soften the blow. “At least she was doing something she loved,” or “At least she didn’t suffer.” But deep down, these rationalizations felt hollow against the emotional reality of my loss.

The problem with "at least" is that it diminishes the validity of our true feelings. It suggests a comparative suffering which, frankly, doesn't alleviate the pain. Whether it's a breakup or a divorce without children, minimizing the loss doesn't magically make the emotional impact less significant. According to The Grief Recovery Institute, grief encompasses the loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations—feelings that are as tangible and real as any physical loss.

This holiday season, I encourage you to drop the "at least" from your vocabulary. When we use these phrases, we're often trying to offer comfort, but what we might actually be doing is dismissing genuine feelings of sorrow or distress. Instead, try acknowledging, validating, and simply listening.

Rather than saying, “At least they're in a better place,” consider responses like, “Thank you for sharing,” or “I can’t imagine how tough that has been for you.” Such expressions don't just respect the person's feelings; they validate them.

Feelings are normal and natural—they are biological responses that aren't meant to be fixed but experienced. Being present with our emotions, without judgment or quick fixes, allows them to move through us more freely.

If you've ever struggled with the urge to find a silver lining or offer unsolicited advice, remember that compassionate communication is a skill that can be nurtured. As Maya Angelou wisely said, “You can’t do better until you know better.”

Our community at The Compassion Code Academy is here to support you in learning how to communicate with empathy and understanding. To join us and learn more about cultivating these skills, visit The Collective.

Have you ever felt like you were leading a double life, hiding a part of yourself because it might seem "weird" to others? Well, I'm ready to open up about my own experience with this feeling.

In March of this year, during a deep meditation, I was guided to start an Instagram account under my pseudonym, Laylani Colibri. This account, Love Notes From Your Mom, was born from a vision to share the warmth and unconditional love of a mother through heartfelt messages. Since then, I've crafted 123 notes and organically grown to nearly 34,000 followers. Each note is a tender reminder designed to nurture—whether you're a mom expressing love to your children, someone seeking solace from the loss of a mother, or longing for a connection you wish you had.

Why am I sharing this now? Because I want to fully embrace my "weird" with you. I'm excited to announce that Love Notes From Your Mom and Laylani will soon be launching a stationary and merchandise shop. Plus, we're introducing The Unconditional Loveline Collective membership.

Join me on this journey of growth and unconditional love. It's time to celebrate being unique, and I invite you to be part of this loving community as we continue to expand and evolve.

Check it out here!

Do you ever find yourself achieving big milestones, hitting significant goals, and yet happiness seems to slip through your fingers?

Recently I heard a woman say that she had thought all of her problems would disappear when she hit her ideal weight.  However, when she got there, she realized that she was still the same person with a lower number on the scale.

This got me thinking. Many of us were raised with the notion that happiness is only attainable after achieving a specific goal, reaching a certain level of success, or hitting a personal milestone.

Yet, when we check those boxes and the expected happiness doesn’t follow or is only temporary, we’re left with a perplexing “Now what?”

If this sounds familiar, and you are ready for a new way to truly live and love your life RIGHT NOW, I invite you to invest just 15 minutes in watching my brand new free masterclass, “The One Simple Shift to Uncover the Path to Authentic Happiness & Success.” In this class, I explore how shifting our focus from future milestones to present moments can open the doors to genuine, lasting happiness.

You checked all the boxes. 

You did what you were “supposed” to do.

And then something broke — stopped working — or you realized it hasn’t been working for a while. 

You’re at a crossroads - a now what moment - and it may be a little scary. 

You thought you followed the “path of certainty” and it seems to have led you astray. You may even feel betrayed by a person, a job, or just life. 

And it makes sense. You have done it all right. You were a “good girl” or a “good boy” like you were supposed to be. Maybe you are left wondering “What happened? What’s it all for?” 

Well, I have a secret for you. 

This isn’t the end of the movie. 

This moment, this crossroads, is where the journey really begins. 

It may feel scary, lonely, uncertain. You may be feeling sorry for yourself, doubting your choices, regretting your past… 

I say — NO MORE!

Yes, you can feel sad, mad, frustrated… your feelings are totally valid. 

AND this is also your moment. 

I repeat… this is YOUR MOMENT. 

The crossroads is an opportunity to begin your transformational journey.

I haven’t ever talked to a butterfly, but I imagine that if they could talk they would say the metamorphosis (aka the GOO part) was really UNCOMFORTABLE.

Going from a caterpillar to a butterfly requires the courage to be messy and it isn’t always pretty, but you don’t have to do it alone. 

If you want to walk this path to a life that is truly authentic, peaceful, and fulfilling - truly aligned with your purpose for being here—

Then I invite you to join me, or at the very least jump on the phone with me to see what all the fuss is about. 

30~ minutes. You - me - truth - laughter - and maybe some tears, a plan, and a choice — to walk through it OR not. 

The choice is yours. Red pill or blue pill. 

Caterpillar or butterfly.

Curious? Schedule a call with me. 

It is my pleasure to witness you. 

Do you find yourself saying, I should be grateful; other people have it worse than I do? 

The challenge with that line of thinking is that it diminishes your experience and forces you to justify your feelings of sadness, disappointment, frustration, or even heartache. What no one else is telling you is that grief comes before gratitude. But before I tell you why, you must know that grief is not just death… not just the sad, terrible feelings.

According to the Grief Recovery Institute, “Grief is the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.” Thus, all change, exciting and challenging, can be grieving experiences because we are saying goodbye to what was. It also includes a loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations. Maybe you thought life would be different at this point… and you don’t love the way things are.

Grief must come before gratitude because if you ignore your true feelings and hide behind a mask of “Everything’s fine”, or “I should feel happy or grateful,” you can never truly be happy.

Why? Because that isn’t life. Life is full of twists and turns... So if you diminish your sadness, frustration, and disappointment, and even deep heartache, it prevents you from feeling deep joy, gratitude, and connection in your life.

Don’t get me wrong, gratitude is amazing! You just have to start by acknowledging your story, your truth, your experiences... in other words your grief. Otherwise, gratitude is just a box you check on your to do list. And I’m also not asking you to spend hours, weeks, months, or years… dressed in black and mourning…

I am just telling you that when you are being authentic, feeling your feelings, and acknowledging your grief, you will begin to have compassion for yourself… which allows you to have compassion for others in your life. Your heart will open to forgiveness and loving communication.

You may be thinking, “I am already loving and compassionate, and I already show others my care (and I believe you…) AND, I want to ask you this… Are you ALWAYS  kind and compassionate toward yourself? If the answer is no, then I guarantee you there is room to grow in your compassion for others… because compassion starts with self.

When you understand your story, your joy and your pain, you realize that the biggest lessons in life are learned from the greatest challenges you face. When you don’t put grief before gratitude, when you don’t honor the challenges and truth of real life, when you feel shame and diminish your feelings…Deep connection, authentic love, and abundance will be elusive. You will stay stuck in the feelings you are avoiding... like fear, resentment, disappointment, frustration and anger, and they will get louder until you pay attention.

Understanding and having gratitude for you like experience is key to moving forward in a whole new way. SO just like self-care, you must start with compassion for yourself and your story. We all deserve love and we can only receive as much love from others as we can give ourselves. 

So summing up, living life fully and experiencing deep gratitude is possible, AND the way to do this is simply by allowing yourself to feel all of your feelings and honor your story as it is as important and unique as you are.

Would you love to experience authentic happiness and success? Watch my brand new mini-masterclass to find out how to begin.