You Don't Have to Pretend to be Fine

We may have heard that vulnerability can lead to more connection, but how do we let go of all of our old beliefs and stories that tell us:

  • To suck it up

  • To be strong

  • To not be too emotional

  • That emotions equal crazy

  • That feeling our feelings is usually synonymous with being a wreck, a mess, or out of control?

Many of us were taught to be strong – and that feelings (aside from the "good" ones) mean that we are weak. 

For me, so much of my identity was around being the happy, positive one. 

So on one hand, we are finally learning the power of vulnerability (thanks Brené Brown!!), and on the other hand, so much of our belief system and identity is wrapped up in being strong or unemotional -- or as I like to say “pretending to be fine.”

So how do we make the shift from knowing with our heads that vulnerability is “good” ----> to feeling in our hearts that vulnerability is safe?

It starts with self-compassion, or relating kindly to ourselves, and not diminishing our own suffering. 

So instead of comparing our story to someone else’s (compare leads to despair) we can recognize each person's experience is unique, each story is valid, and our unique experience was important to getting us where we are.

Recognizing that everyone has a story (including you) – and likely a grief story, is what can allow us to become compassionate and relate kindly towards each other.

As the old adage goes “hurt people, hurt people...” which means that the opposite can also be true, “healing or healed people, heal people.”

If you want to be part of the solution to help heal our divided, hurting world – the first thing you can do is give yourself some self-compassion for the hurts you have experienced in your life. 

By taking charge of your own healing (the only thing you really can control) and offering yourself the gift of compassion for your own painful experiences, you will have more to give to everyone else in your life. 

So if you are interested in moving beyond the pain of loss so you can lead by example in your life schedule a Light After Loss initial consultation today.

If you aren’t already, join us in Living The Compassion Code, our free Facebook community to build bridges rather than walls.

And watch my brand new webinar 4 Shifts for Moving Beyond the Pain of Loss so You Can Rediscover Meaning, Purpose, and Growth in Your Life.

Laura Jack