Tomorrow is Election Day, and our country is feeling the weight of this moment. Both sides are worried, feeling that so much is at stake. For many, there’s an underlying fear that we’re on the brink of something we may not recover from.

But last night, I experienced something that reminded me of the true remedy for these times. I was at a dinner celebrating a dear friend’s incredible recovery after a double lung transplant—a celebration of love, resilience, and, most of all, a second chance at life. This gathering wasn’t just about survival; it was about thriving in the face of life’s hardest moments. It made me reflect on our country, especially now, and I realized I don’t want us to just “get through” this election. I want us to find a way to thrive together, beyond our fears and differences.

One dinner guest asked, “How do we get through this week?” My answer was simple, but deeply heartfelt--

"Kindness."

Kindness may not be seen as a survival skill, but I believe it’s our best path forward, not just to survive but to truly thrive together. That’s why, last month, I began a 21-Day Compassion Ninja Challenge. Each day, people across the country have been performing small, compassionate actions. And you know what? These acts of kindness have given me so much hope. They remind me that when we choose compassion and understanding—toward ourselves, our families, our communities—we create a ripple effect of peace and connection.

So here’s my invitation to you: let’s carry this mindset into the week ahead. Be kind, be curious, be compassionate. Smile at a stranger, wave to a neighbor, leave a heartfelt review for a local business, or offer a genuine compliment to someone in passing. These gestures may seem small, but they are transformative. They are how we open our hearts and start bridging divides.

In this crucial week, let’s remember that kindness is more than just “nice.” It’s how we survive, heal, and, ultimately, thrive as a community. Together, we can hold on to hope, and maybe even create a world that’s a little kinder for all of us.

A couple of weeks ago, Aaron and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary. Over dinner, we found ourselves reflecting on why we’ve been able to grow together over the 17 years since we started dating.

I shared that one thing I really appreciated about him is how open he’s always been to receiving feedback and making adjustments. Aaron said that one of the biggest reasons he thought we’ve grown together is because I’ve always been thoughtful when giving feedback—it feels loving and supportive, rather than critical—making it easier for him to want to make changes.

At that moment, we both simultaneously laughed and said, “The preframe!”

The preframe is a game-changing communication tool that I teach in both Compassion Code Academy and in all of my corporate trainings. If you’ve ever struggled with giving or receiving feedback, this tool will transform how you communicate and resolve conflicts with more ease and kindness.

If you want to know more, I’ve created a free PDF guide called:“Starting is the Hardest Part: Mastering Difficult Conversations for Lasting Connection.”

[Download the Free Guide Here!]

These are just a few of the tools we dive into in Compassion Code Academy.

If you’re ready to break free from burnout, regain your sense of purpose, and lead with compassion, I’d love to chat!

Click here to schedule a call with me next week to see if it’s a good fit. Let’s connect and explore how this program can support your growth, both professionally and personally!

Have you ever found yourself saying "yes" when you really wanted to say "no"? Or gone out of your way to make sure everyone else was happy—even if it meant sacrificing your own needs?

You’re not alone. As Alan Gordon insightfully points out, “People-pleasers don’t people-please to please other people, but to avoid their own anxiety.” It’s not really about making others happy; it’s about avoiding the anxiety that comes with the fear of disappointing them. The anxiety that says, "What if I lose their love, their approval, or my sense of belonging?"

For many of us, it just feels easier to abandon ourselves in the moment—to avoid conflict, guilt, or discomfort. Sound familiar?

In our Unconditional Love Line Collective, we explored the powerful practice of releasing people-pleasing and approval addiction. We explored the importance of choosing yourself, even when it means disappointing others. It’s not easy, but as Glennon Doyle so wisely says, “Every time you're given a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself, your duty is to disappoint that someone else. Your job throughout your entire life is to disappoint as many people as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself.”

We reflected on how to shift the pattern of abandoning yourself to keep the peace and how to navigate the anxiety that comes with choosing your own well-being over others’ expectations. We also explored how to communicate these needs with others in a kind and respectful way, so you can stand firm in your truth without creating unnecessary conflict.

Here’s what we covered:

• Understanding why we people-please (and how it's really about avoiding our own discomfort)

• How to feel the fear of disappointing others but choose not to abandon yourself

• Practical strategies to start breaking free from approval addiction

• How to kindly and respectfully communicate your needs to others without fear

• Why disappointing others can actually lead to deeper self-trust and authenticity

When you join the Unconditional Love Line Collective you will have access to these previous explored teachings!

Have you ever struggled to give feedback because by the time you're giving it, you’re already frustrated and even resentful?

Well, guess what? There are three secrets to giving feedback that help build trust with your team that are better for all people involved.

1. Offer feedback 1-on-1.
Feedback is personal, and many people feel vulnerable when receiving it. By offering feedback in a private, one-on-one setting, you show respect and care for the other person's feelings. This approach reduces the potential for embarrassment and allows for a more open, honest conversation, fostering a deeper level of trust and understanding.

2. Consent.
Yes, asking permission to give feedback is crucial. It can be as simple as saying, “Are you open to receiving feedback right now?” By doing this, you ensure the person is in the right space to receive and process the feedback constructively.

3. Have courageous conversations early and often.
Don’t wait for resentment to build before speaking honestly. Instead, address challenges as they arise, kindly and transparently. This way, trust is built gradually, and you won’t find yourself dreading that ONE BIG HARD CONVERSATION.

Sound like something you could benefit from?

Introducing The CCA Professional Accelerator: Practical Tools for Burned-Out Professionals 

If you’re like many mission-driven professionals, you entered your field because you genuinely care about making a difference. But somewhere along the way, the weight of your work started to take a toll. You’re dedicated, compassionate, and care deeply—but the burnout is real.

I get it, and I’ve been there too. That’s why I’m thrilled to introduce the CCA Professional Accelerator, a brand-new version of the Compassion Code Academy tailored specifically for busy, service-oriented leaders and professionals who want to regain their sense of purpose and passion while avoiding burnout.

What is the CCA Professional Accelerator?


Here’s how it works:
* Practical tools you can use in the workplace immediately
* Scenario-based learning and real-world role plays, all designed to help you handle challenges, communicate with more ease, and lead with compassion—without sacrificing your well-being.
* A 50% reduction in time commitment and cost compared to the full CCA program!

Interested in joining?
I’m opening up limited spots for the CCA Professional Accelerator, and I’d love for you to be part of it. If you’re ready to finally break free from burnout, feel confident in your communication skills, and get back to the core of why you started, I’d love to connect.

Click here to schedule a call with me next week to see if it’s a good fit. Let’s chat about how this program can support you in your growth and help you find the balance you’ve been searching for. If you can't find a time on my calendar, just reply to this email, and we'll figure it out!

Travel often tops the list when we dream about what we'd do with unlimited resources. Having traveled extensively myself, I know firsthand how these experiences shape us. Recently, I had the joy of sharing the beauty of Costa Rica with my children—revisiting a place that was a significant part of my own youth.

Adventure Mixed with Challenge

Our trip was a blend of breathtaking landscapes and the raw realities of travel—mosquito nets, bumpy car rides, and unfamiliar foods. These challenges pushed all of us out of our comfort zones, offering a chance to grow and adapt. It's the essence of travel: it tests our limits and expands our capacity to handle discomfort.

Embracing Discomfort—A Gateway to Growth

Sharing these moments with close friends and their children turned potential struggles into cherished memories. This experience reminded me of the importance of not diminishing our feelings by comparing them to others’. Whether someone has it "worse" or "better," our feelings are valid and deserve recognition.

The Unconditional Loveline Collective: A Space for Shared Human Experiences

In our monthly membership, The Unconditional Loveline Collective, we dive into these themes of self-awareness and compassion. This week, I’m excited to share a 7-minute clip from our recent session discussing the pitfalls of "compare and despair," and the power of validating our feelings.

Watch the 7-minute teaching and coaching clip here!

If this resonates with you, check out The Unconditional Loveline Collective.  Your presence, whether active or as a supportive listener, enriches our community. It's about stepping into new experiences supportively and courageously.

Let's Learn and Grow Together

Embracing discomfort, be it through a night in a tropical setting or asserting personal boundaries, is a profound journey of growth. Join us as we continue to explore and expand the ways we connect with ourselves and each other.

Boundaries come up quite often these days, and this last weekend I had the privilege of speaking at an Art of Boundaries Event with my dear friend, Rose.

We shared boundary wins and then talked about boundaries as a beacon of self-respect, empowerment, and ultimately, as a cornerstone for effective leadership.

Here are some of the teachings I shared:

The Essence of Boundaries

Boundaries are not just about saying "no" – they're about recognizing and honoring our wants, needs, and capacities. One key insight we explored is the importance of identifying what we truly want and need before we can communicate our boundaries effectively. This self-awareness is the first step towards living and leading with integrity.

The Value of a Pause

So often, we rush to say "yes" in an attempt to please others, sidelining our own needs in the process. I shared the importance of allowing ourselves the space to pause and reflect: "Thank you for the invitation. Let me get back to you." This simple practice gives us the chance to check in with ourselves, ensuring that our decisions align with our true desires and capacities.

The Uncomfortable Yet Crucial Practice

Creating and maintaining boundaries can initially feel uncomfortable, especially if we're not accustomed to prioritizing our own needs. However, the discomfort of setting boundaries pales in comparison to the long-term consequences of neglecting ourselves. Not only do boundaries prevent burnout and resentment, but they also cultivate trust and authenticity in our relationships.

Consider this powerful reminder from Glennon Doyle in her book Untamed: "Every time you're given a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself, your duty is to disappoint that someone else. Your job throughout your entire life is to disappoint as many people as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself.”

Invitation to Growth

Join the Unconditional Love-Line Collective: An online community membership where we focus on our growth and healing in the areas of self-compassion and self-love (including boundaries). Learn more here !

If this resonates, join us as we chart a course towards heart-centered leadership where we'll learn how to navigate life's demands with grace, ensuring our own cups are full so we can pour into others without depleting ourselves.

In moments of quiet reflection or amidst the hustle of daily life, have you ever found yourself wrestling with thoughts like, "I'm doing it wrong," "What's wrong with me?" or "Everyone else seems to be ahead of me"?

If so, you're not alone.

We, as humans, are experts at being our own harshest critics. This tendency to belittle ourselves, while sparing others from such harsh judgments, is a common trap that can lead to a cycle of negativity and self-doubt.

The Challenge of Self-Harming Thoughts

It's essential to recognize that while negative self-talk might feel normal, it serves neither you nor those around you. When we're caught in the spiral of self-criticism, extending kindness to others becomes a Herculean task. The link between how we treat ourselves and how we treat others is undeniable and profound.

A Moment for Self-Compassion

What if, starting today, we made a collective commitment to embrace self-compassion, even if just for a moment? The journey to change begins with awareness. Can you catch yourself in the act of self-criticism? Recognizing these moments is the first step toward transformation.

Baby Steps Toward Self-Kindness

The next time you catch yourself in a whirlwind of negative self-talk, leading you down the path of anxiety or depression, pause. Take a breath. This is your opportunity to take a baby step toward self-kindness.

Here are a few practical tips to guide you on this journey:

**Acknowledge Your Feelings: Give yourself permission to feel without judgment.
**Speak to Yourself Like a Friend: Would you say those harsh words to someone you care about? Offer yourself the same kindness and understanding.
**Celebrate Small Wins: Every step towards self-compassion is progress. Recognize and celebrate your efforts, no matter how small.

You Are Not Alone

Remember, your journey towards self-compassion is not just a personal victory; it's a collective triumph. As we each work to change the narrative within, we contribute to a world where kindness and compassion are the norms, not the exceptions.

Together, let's make self-compassion our mission. Our community is here to support you, offering a safe space to share, learn, and grow together. Click here to learn more about The Unconditional Loveline Collective.

Last week brought a cherished opportunity to reconnect with college friends after years apart. Despite my personal growth in self-love, self-compassion, and acceptance, I harbored fears that our paths had diverged too much. Would they still understand and accept me, especially with my new name, Laylani, and the spiritual journey that has transformed me profoundly?

Their acceptance was not only immediate but also heartwarming. My friend Rach's words, "These transformations are still very on-brand for you," resonated deeply, reminding me that the fears of judgment we often fear are merely reflections of our own self-judgments.

This reunion underscored a powerful lesson captured by a quote I recently encountered: "If you're going to be weird, be confident about it." My own 'weirdness,' or unique journey, is precisely what I believe the world needs. I champion self-love and self-compassion not just as teachings but as vital nourishments for my soul.

As I continue to walk this path of love and compassion, I want to share the insights and opportunities that enrich my journey. Whether it’s through reading and sharing articles, attending local events in Austin, tuning into podcasts, or engaging with the Compassion Code Academy, your involvement is immensely meaningful.

Let us celebrate our unique paths and the distinctiveness that each of us brings to the table. It’s in embracing our true selves that we can truly make a difference. Here's to the beauty of our weirdness and the impact it has when we are confidently ourselves.

Sixteen years ago, I lost my precious mother. Just a few weeks ago, as another anniversary passed, I found myself wrestling with a familiar, haunting question: “Shouldn’t I be over this by now?”

This moment of self-doubt strikes a chord that is all too familiar, not just for me, but for anyone navigating the choppy waters of grief. It’s curious how we can become our own harshest critics, especially under the duress of stress and exhaustion. This self-judgment starkly contradicts everything I advocate for in my teachings about embracing our emotions as essential parts of the human experience.

What I am continually relearning is that grief does not adhere to a linear timeline. Anniversaries, birthdays, or even hearing a favorite song can evoke profound feelings. These moments remind us to “feel big” and embrace our emotions fully. Over time, I’ve learned that the more space I allow myself to feel, to cry, and to acknowledge my grief, the less intense the pain becomes during those previously overwhelming "special days."

This realization has led me to a deeper understanding: our feelings are always valid, encompassing grief and every facet of life. If self-judgment haunts you, particularly during times of change, I invite you to join a community committed to navigating these emotions together.

The Unconditional Love Line Collective (formerly known as The Compassion Collective) is a sanctuary where we explore the art of managing emotions, cultivating self and mutual compassion, and mastering effective communication. This community is for those who seek to transform their relationship with themselves and others through heartfelt understanding and support.

If you’re ready to explore this journey and connect with kindred spirits, join us by clicking here. Let’s embrace our feelings together, acknowledging that even when grief revisits, we are not alone in our experiences.

In the intricate dance of human relationships, confronting the disappointment of others is an unavoidable part of our existence, especially for those of us who have journeyed through life as people-pleasers. This week, I found myself navigating this familiar terrain once again, reflecting deeply on its profound impact.

From a young age, my drive to avoid disappointing others steered me towards a path of perfectionism. This pursuit, while well-intentioned, often led to burnout and self-sacrifice, revealing the unsustainable nature of seeking flawlessness in an inherently imperfect world.

The journey to unravel the layers of people-pleasing has been transformative. It has taught me to extend love and grace to myself, even in moments of failure. Learning that disappointing others is a natural part of life was a critical milestone. It taught me that disappointment is often not malicious; it's usually just a byproduct of our limitations as humans who can't read minds or meet every expectation.

Sometimes, the disappointment we cause is unintentional. Other times, it results from making tough decisions that honor our inner truth over external expectations. In these moments, offering an apology for any unintended hurt can be a powerful act of kindness—it doesn't diminish our self-worth but reinforces our integrity.

Practical Steps for Self-Compassion:

As I continue to grow, I've adopted several practices to help manage the impact of others' disappointment:

• Own Your Part and Apologize When Needed: Recognizing our role in a situation and apologizing can be empowering. It helps mend relationships and is essentially an act of forgiving ourselves.

• Deep Breath and Self-Affirmation: In moments of criticism or disapproval, I remind myself, "I love myself enough." This mantra helps to soothe and reaffirm my commitment to self-love and acceptance.

If these reflections resonate with you, and you're seeking a community that values growth and compassion, consider joining The Unconditional Love Line Collective. Here, we support each other in developing compassion for ourselves and mastering effective communication, empowering each other to navigate life's challenges with grace.

In closing, disappointing others is not a measure of our worth but a part of our human experience. By embracing this, we open ourselves to genuine growth and deeper connections, both with ourselves and those around us. Let's continue to support one another in this journey, fostering a world where compassion leads the way.

As we step into the new year, I invite you to join me in sparking a revolution—not of grand gestures, but one that begins within the confines of our own hearts and minds. This year, let’s revolutionize how we treat ourselves by replacing resolutions with permission to authentically be ourselves.

In a world that often praises self-sacrifice and downplays the need for self-care, it’s revolutionary to choose a path that prioritizes our own well-being. For those of us accustomed to roles as strivers, survivors, doers, achievers, and people-pleasers, this shift can feel radical, yet it is vital.

For too long, many of us have been ensnared by the idea that self-compassion is akin to selfishness. But what if we could see it as essential as breathing?

Dr. Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion provides us with three powerful steps to begin this journey:

1. Kindness to Yourself: Offer yourself the same kindness and patience that you would extend to a dear friend.

2. Common Humanity: Recognize that suffering and imperfection are part of the shared human experience.

3. Mindfulness: Acknowledge and observe your feelings without judgment.

Embracing these aspects can lead to a profound shift from isolation to interconnectedness, from self-criticism to nurturing self-love.

Practical Exercise: Start by noticing how you speak to yourself—this awareness is the first step. Once you observe your patterns, gently begin to shift from harsh self-criticism to compassionate self-dialogue.

Remember, adopting self-compassion is not merely a personal upgrade; it’s a radical act that revolutionizes how we interact with the world. It allows us to serve and love not just ourselves but others with a more genuine, generous heart.

As we navigate through 2024, I encourage you to view self-compassion not as a luxury but as a fundamental part of your daily life. It’s essential for those who strive to lead, love, and live with integrity and authenticity.

If you’re looking to deepen your practice of self-compassion and explore its transformative impact, I invite you to join our community- The Compassion Collective.

Wishing you a year filled with kindness, connection, and the unshakeable knowledge that you are enough—just as you are.

As we usher in the new year, I want to honor the incredible path you've traveled. To all the strivers, survivors, doers, achievers, people-pleasers, and perfectionists: this message is for you.

In the relentless pursuit of perfection, many of us find ourselves constantly striving to figure everything out. However, there's a powerful antidote to this exhausting chase: Self-Compassion.

Self-compassion isn't about letting yourself off the hook; it's about extending the same kindness to yourself that you would to a friend in distress. It's a soothing balm that counters the harsh whispers of perfectionism, which often asks, "Why haven’t you figured this out yet?" Instead, self-compassion lovingly affirms, "I am so proud of you for keeping an open heart and mind as you navigate life."

Perfectionism might cruelly question, "What’s wrong with you?" But self-compassion reassures, "It’s okay to feel deeply and seek support. This journey is complex, and it’s okay to not have all the answers."

This shift in dialogue from self-criticism to self-support can significantly alter how we perceive ourselves and our struggles. Symptoms like perfectionism, over-giving, and people-pleasing often stem from a deep-seated belief that we are not enough. Let me tell you, unequivocally, that you are more than enough just as you are.

You might be facing challenges, but you are not broken. In fact, you are the hero of your own life. Consider this: What do heroes do when faced with pain, hardship, or heartache? They don’t see themselves as failures; they rise to the occasion and embark on a journey of self-discovery.

As you set your goals and resolutions for the year, remember that self-compassion is your most steadfast ally. It supports you when you stumble and reminds you of your inherent worth.

Here’s to a year filled with self-discovery, compassion, and celebrating the hero within you. You’re not just surviving the story of your life; you’re mastering it with grace.