Are You Feeling Guilty for the Things That Are Going Well in Your Life? (Video)

I want to talk to you today about the importance of not diminishing your own experience.

If you are thinking you have it easier than other people and therefore thinking “It's not okay for me to feel bad,” I just want you to remember you are also allowed to feel your feelings.

Everybody's experience is different. We're all going through something, and just acknowledging that your experience is valid and important to you is such a huge part of self-care during this time.

If you've been feeling guilty because you're doing okay, you have a job, you feel safe or secure, let me share this.

At The Grief Recovery Institute, we teach that guilt is the intention to harm.

So first, I just want you to ask yourself that, “Do I or did I have any intention to harm someone else by having success/ by being okay/ by being happy/ by having a good day/ by enjoying the sunshine?”

And if the answer is no, then I want you to consider taking off what I call the ‘guilt coat’ and ask yourself, what are the underlying feelings that you're having? In other words, what is underneath that guilt?

What I usually find is that I feel sad that other people are having a hard time, or I'm feeling hopeless about the situation. This leads to me feel guilty because it feels safer.

I want to give you permission and invite you to think about doing well, having a good day, feeling so safe and healthy, having a job. Whatever it is that is going well for you. Then I want you to consider that any area of your life where you are doing well is an opportunity for you to be full, which allows you to give to others.

If we were all drowning in an ocean of despair at the same time, who would help us out of it? Who would throw us the life preserver?

So, if you are somebody who's going through a hard time: maybe you lost your job, maybe you're going through hardship at home, maybe somebody in your life has died who you love, maybe you or someone you love is sick, it's okay for you to feel all those feelings. Your feelings are valid and important.

If you're somebody who is not having those experiences right now, rather than feeling guilty, utilize this as an opportunity to put yourself out there for others in whatever way you can.

Be supportive whenever you have extra energy because we all need people to support us when we're feeling down.

Those who are suffering really dramatically can be supported by those of us who are fortunate enough to be suffering in different ways.

Missing your friends, going to work, or visiting your favorite coffee shop, are completely valid as well.

We just need to contribute in whatever way we can. If you have money, or skills, or time, or love, or music, or shelter, or whatever it is that that may be right now, utilize this as an opportunity to give from that place of abundance.

If you're someone who needs help, your contribution can be ALLOWING others to give to you (which feels really good too, if you think about it.)

We love giving, so allow someone to give to you as a gift.

Share love whenever possible, offer your time, energy, love, money, whatever abundance of resources, or offer the ability to receive because that too is a gift. Okay?

We're all in this together, we're just all experiencing it in different ways.

So wherever you are, just show up as you are, ask for help if you need it, or give help if you have extra to give.

No need to feel guilt, because unless you had an intention to harm, it's not the real feeling.

Take off that guilt coat and ask yourself the question, “What's underneath this?” I feel sad. I feel hopeless. I feel like I wish things were different, and those are all grieving experiences.

So, it just may be that you're grieving and feeling a sense of hopelessness for so many people around you, so celebrating feels uncomfortable.

Maybe you just give yourself a chance to celebrate yourself and where you are and gratitude for whatever is going well. What that does is it allows you to continue to support others and raise the consciousness of our planet so that we're not all drowning in the ocean of despair at the same time.

So when you're full, you have more to give to others, and when you're feeling depleted, don't be afraid to ask for help from those of us who are feeling okay.

Wherever you are in that spectrum, allow it to be okay, give yourself a big hug and just keep doing the next right thing.

Kindness to yourself. Kindness to others always.

Please feel free to share in the notes if you have anything else that you want support around.