How to ‘Stock Up’ On Compassion As We Navigate These Times of Change and Challenge
I am not sure about you, but these last weeks have been very strange to say the least. It feels like things are changing at a million miles per minute.
With all of this change comes tremendous uncertainty, which in and of itself is a grieving experience.
Why?
It isn't just due to illness or death; it is because grief, according to The Grief Recovery Institute, “is the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior." It is also "a loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations."
So when we think about all the cancellations, all the changes, all of the things that we don't get to do, all the places we don't get to go, the school closures, the encouraged social distancing, the mandatory shut down of business operations, not to mention the fear and threat to our health and wellness, it is understandable that we are grieving.
While what each of us is experiencing in our daily lives is unique, what remains the same and universally true are the wide range of feelings we are all having….confusion, overwhelm, anxiety, fear, discomfort, disappointment, uncertainty, gratitude, relief, curiosity, worry, loneliness, regret, determination, and the list goes on.
The thing I most want to share is that whatever you're feeling, it is normal.
It is also important that we acknowledge all of our feelings and give them a voice -- preferably with a safe, non-judgmental listening ear. Someone who isn't trying to fix you, but rather can just say “Yes, that makes sense, and it's okay to feel how you feel. You aren't crazy, and if you are, so are we all.”
Part of why social distancing is difficult in such a confusing, uncertain, and rapidly changing time is because this is a time when we need connection most. According to Harvard Positive Psychologist and author of The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor, connection is the number one indicator for happiness. Fear and stress on the other hand, not so much. They're actually more indicative of weakened immune systems, something that doesn't help any of us right now.
So what can we do? How can we be kind to ourselves and others particularly as we navigate these times of change and challenge? We can start by being compassionate to ourselves and each other. Here are some ideas for how:
We can check-in and see how each other are doing. Share photos, funny memes, anything to connect and brighten each other's days.
We can breathe and take good care of ourselves so that we can be helpful to others if need be. (So many gyms, yoga studios, meditation teachers are offering online classes.)
We can use this time as a time of reflection and reprioritization about what matters most... crisis is good for that.
We can tell people we love them and care about them, because you never know, and it is better to say all the things.
We can be kind and considerate of one another. Wash our hands, do our part, smile at people, say hello, acknowledge that we are all in this together.
We can allow ourselves and others to have all the feelings, avoid criticizing people as much as possible and give ourselves and others the benefit of the doubt. Remember tensions are high right now, and likely someone else's flare-up is not about you.
We can say thank you to all the people who are going to work in order to help keep our lives as normal, safe, and healthy as possible.
We can remember that being a leader is not always easy. So whether it is you, your state representative, your city manager, your boss, or anyone else who's making hard decisions, know that they're likely trying to do their best with the information they have, and we are all human beings just trying to figure it out.
While we don’t always get to choose what happens, we do get to choose how we respond. Let’s choose compassion, starting with compassion for ourselves. Then, and only then, can we give compassionately to others.
May the bumpy road ahead be a growth-filled opportunity and a recognition of our common humanity.
For more on confidently navigating change and challenge with compassion and ease, visit www.laurajack.com or watch my webinar, Compassionate Communication 101.