The Phrase We Deeply Want To Hear....

"It's okay, I love you."

These are the words many of us desperately want to hear from those we love. Most of my life, I've sought the approval of others. The challenge with approval-seeking, perfectionism, and people-pleasing is that they are exhausting and often rob us of our authenticity, energy, and joy.

I often shape-shifted to fit in, taking pride in my ability to be a chameleon. The downside of being a chameleon, constantly adapting to please others, is that it often means losing touch with your own likes, dislikes, and desires.

I spent much of my life being "easy-going" because it was simpler to yield to the person with the strongest opinion. But at what point do you lose touch with your own opinions, wants, and needs?

If you typically know what you want, this may not resonate with you. However, it might be helpful to consider if the people in your life are yielding to you. It can be insightful to ask them, "What do you want?"

One of the things I most wanted to hear is, "It's okay. I love you." This isn't about condoning hurtful behaviors but about accepting people as they are. For example, imagine that during your teenage years, you failed a test. Instead of hiding it from your parents out of fear of their judgment, imagine they said, "It's okay. I love you. How can I support you around this? Are you feeling surprised? Disappointed?"

Often, we are already beating ourselves up so badly that having someone close be hard on us can be incredibly painful and rarely helpful for motivation.

Most of the time, as children, what we want is unconditional love and acceptance. We don't want to be afraid to tell the truth. You can wish, hope, and pray for acceptance and approval from your parents, spouse, children, boss, etc., but the reality is that the person whose approval you most need is your own. Consider this, if other people's judgments are typically reflections of how you feel about yourself, is part of you holding back your approval for yourself?

If this is a struggle for you, try saying this phrase to yourself throughout the day: "It's okay, [your name]. I love you." It may seem silly, but your approval is actually the most important. When we approve of ourselves, it usually allows us to be more curious and approving of others. When we are more accepting of others, we build connection, and this healthy connection is a key indicator for happiness.

Take a moment today to look in the mirror and say, "It's okay. I love you." Notice how it feels and let it sink in. This simple practice can be transformative. You deserve to receive unconditional love—starting with yourself.

Try it out. Let me know how it goes. You are worthy of your own love and compassion.