The Science of Desire

What do you want?

Such a simple question, and yet, how often do we ask it or are we asked?

What keeps us from asking or answering this question?

Everyone is unique, and yet in my experience people are often afraid to say what they want for fear of judgement:  internal, perceived, or even verbalized.

We asked ourselves questions like:

1) What if I don't get what I want?

2) What if I do get what I want?

3) What will people think of me if I get what I want?

4) What will people think of me if I don't?

5) Is it even possible?

6) Am I thinking too big?

7) Who am I to want this?

The answer is found in science.

There are three parts of our brains, and each part has a different set of instructions and descriptions about what keeps us well and safe.

First is our Brain Stem or “Reptilian Brain”. The reptilian brain is in charge of the physical: your heart rate, breathing, blood sugar – anything to do with keeping you alive. This part of you is in charge of your fight, flight, or freeze response, and it tells you don't stray from your current situation because even though it could be better, it is a perceived threat to your safety because it is “unknown.”

The Limbic System is in charge of generating emotions. It uses emotions to promote a sense of safety and well-being. These emotions drive us toward or away from experiences that affect love, safety and belonging.

And finally, the Cortex or “Human Brain”. The human brain deals with the logical, human, conscious mind. This is the part of us that justifies our choices and behaviors and makes meaning out of our feelings and experiences.

So how do we get what we want?

How do we choose change when change is so often deemed threatening? 

By getting a YES from all 3 parts of our brain.

The Brain Stem has to say it’s safe – it’s not a threat to survival. And we do that by taking calculated baby steps that prove to be safe and not a threat to our survival.

The Limbic System has to say it’s not a threat to love or belonging, and we do that by finding the right support who acknowledges, validates, and normalizes our experience and advocates for our growth. 

And the Cortex has to be so tickled by the idea that it is willing to override the safety mechanism that is simultaneously keeping you safe and also keeping you stuck.

So, let’s start back at the top. 

What do YOU want? 

There are at least 2 paths: 

1) Move toward happiness, pleasure, peace, joy, radiance

OR

2) Move away from pain, heartache, loneliness, isolation, discomfort

That being said, do you want to remove whatever blocks you have from experiencing happiness? Do you want to live fully and wake up more joyful each day? Do you want to help others? Do you want to feel closer in your relationships? Or do you just want to feel less pain or less numb?

Either way is perfectly fine, we are all wired and socialized differently, but knowing yourself and what motivates you is helpful. 

Education is a good baby step for growth and change because it allows us to learn without threat. 

So if you want more joy or less pain, particularly as it relates to your life after loss, please take your first baby step and watch my free training: 

4 Shifts for Moving Beyond the Pain of Loss So You Can Rediscover Meaning, Purpose, and Growth in Your Life. 

Here is the link: www.laurajack.com/4shifts

And even if you can’t show up live, you will get the replay in your inbox. 

As you will learn in the webinar, time alone does not heal; it is action (even tiny baby steps of action) within time!

Register to gain knowledge, understanding and hope for yourself or for people in your life who want to take the first step to move toward joy and away from pain. 

If you aren’t already, join us in Living The Compassion Code, our free Facebook community to build bridges rather than walls.