Have you ever made yourself feel bad or wrong for experiencing big feelings?

I have, and I know my clients have too. 

Recently on our Light After Loss coaching call, one of our amazing clients was having tremendous anxiety about an upcoming opportunity. Her body was having a big reaction to her anxious energy and she was feeling frustrated with herself. She said, “I know rationally I'm going to do well. I'm so prepared. But gosh my body doesn't think so.”

I coached her through these questions:

What does your anxious energy want for you? 

And how is your anxious energy helping you?

She thought for a moment, and then answered, “My anxiety wants me to do a good job.”

Diving deeper we found that her anxiety was there to motivate her to prepare and to take the opportunity seriously. It was also there to invite her to ask for help. 

So if the big feelings we have are FOR us as an invitation -- What do your big feelings want for you?

If we shift from judgment to curiosity (the true path to self-compassion) we can see our feelings not as bad, shameful, or wrong, but rather as an invitation to get curious. 

And when you remember that emotions are like a tunnel, you’ll know that before you can come out on the other side, you must acknowledge the tunnel itself. Having the willingness to say it aloud, to state your unease, will allow you to claim your inner peace. Then, you may actually feel incentivized to feel the big feelings and move through them, rather than ignore them or push them away. 

If you are anything like me and many of my clients who've been taught all of our lives to pretend we are fine, keep going, push through, even WIN … then learning how to feel your feelings, to allow them, and to move through them will truly aid in your ability to thrive no matter what you've been through. 

And ironically enough -- winning (whatever that looks like for you) will be a hell of a lot easier. 

Here are my 6 steps to move from judgement to curiosity when big feelings are knocking at your door (or are inside your living room):

1) Get quiet and observe your feelings.

2) Name it. What feeling are you having? (Remember, feelings aren't good or bad, they just are. In order for a feeling to be expressed fully, it has to feel safe and not judged.)

3) With gentleness, like you are talking to a child, ask it, "[Feeling], what do you want for me?"

4) Trusting that it is for you, listen to the answer. (Perhaps, even journal about it).

5) No matter what the response, as long as it is kind to yourself, thank that feeling for showing up honestly and vulnerably for your growth.

6) Take a little time for self-care. Whether that is just walking outside and putting your feet in the grass, calling someone who will support you and not judge you, doing some deep breathing, or signing up for Light After Loss so you can be supported weekly ;), self-care isn't selfish, it is a requirement for showing up as your best self with everyone else.  BOOM! 

If you aren’t already, join us in Living The Compassion Code, our free Facebook community to build bridges rather than walls.

And download The Compassion Code Starter Guide to begin your journey of compassion, starting with yourself.