What's Up With The Holiday Blues
Do you ever feel guilty that you don't feel chipper and cheerful this time of year? Perhaps you think to yourself, "I have so much to be grateful for, so why do I feel ______ (fill in the blank with literally any other feeling)?"
I just want you to know that no matter how much personal growth you have done or how good you feel in your life, the holidays can be trying, tense, and emotional. I tell you this not to try to fix the pain or tension, but rather to remind you that you are normal.
Why are the holidays challenging?
Being out of routine in different environments with family (or not), can bring awareness to how life has changed, how you have changed, and perhaps a loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations... things you hoped would be different, better or more.
In other words, grief. At the Grief Recovery Institute, grief is defined as "the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior."
Seeing that today is not only the last day of the year, but also the last day of this decade, there is a lot of conscious and unconscious reflecting happening.
Whether you realize it or not, most people do a whole lot of, "what's wrong with me?" "Why am I not ________... " that you thought you "should" be at this point. "If only I had...."
These are just a few of the self critical, internal judgments that so many people have going on inside (particularly during this transitional time).
So what do we do about it?
In order to have more peace and ease in this time of reflection, transition, and possibly tension, we must shift from self-judgment to self-compassion (relating kindly to yourself during the trying times of life).
The way to do this is with curiosity. Curiosity sounds like:
"Hmmm... I wonder why this is bothering me so much."
"Hmmm... I wonder what I am learning from the choices I have made?"
"Hmmm... I wonder if it is time to make new choices?
Being compassionate and curious also comes more easily when we give ourselves permission to have feelings. In other words not making feelings of sadness, frustration, disappointment, overwhelm, confusion, heartache, joy, or any other feeling bad or wrong.
If we allow ourselves to feel our feelings we can move through them more easily.
*Hint: Have a compassionate listener who does not try to fix how you are feeling is helpful! All they have to say is "That makes sense."
I have a challenge for you (if you choose to accept): As you embark on the year ahead, instead of judging yourself for who you have or haven't been or what you have or haven't done, what if you say, "Here is who I am being and what I am doing or choosing moving forward."
And remember, every day, every moment (not just the New Year) is an opportunity to start again.
Alright! Wishing you a healthy and safe New Year. Please know that I am a resource for you.
Visit my new virtual home www.laurajack.com to learn more about all the ways I can support you and the people you serve.
Interested in learning more? Watch my webinar, Compassionate Communication 101, here.