What's Up With The Holiday Blues?

Do you ever feel guilty that you don't feel chipper and cheerful this time of year? Perhaps you think to yourself, "I have so much to be grateful for, so why do I feel ______ (fill in the blank with literally any other feeling)?"

I just want you to know that no matter how much personal growth you have done or how good you feel in your life, the holidays can be trying, tense, and emotional. I tell you this not to try to fix the pain or tension, but rather to remind you that you are normal. 

Why are the holidays challenging?

Being out of routine in different environments with family (or not), having holiday traditions that are/aren't happening, or missing a loved one who lost, can all bring awareness to how life has changed, how you have changed, and a whole lot of feelings.

Perhaps there is a loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations or there are things you hoped would be different, better or more.

Guess what? You are GRIEVING.  

At the Grief Recovery Institute, grief is defined as "the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior." 

This year has been the epitome of GRIEF, and generally speaking, we (as a society) have not been taught how to deal with these feelings in a healthy way.

Whether you realize it or not, most of us do a whole lot of, "what's wrong with me?" "Why am I not ________... " that you thought you "should" be at this point.  "If only I had...."

These are just a few of the self critical, internal judgments that so many people have going on inside (particularly during this transitional time). 

So what do we do about it? 

In order to have more peace and ease in this time of reflection, transition, and possibly tension, we must shift from self-judgment to self-compassion (relating kindly to yourself during the trying times of life).

The way to do this is with curiosity. Curiosity sounds like:

"Hmmm... I wonder why this is bothering me so much."

"Hmmm... I wonder what I am learning from the choices I have made?"

"Hmmm... I wonder if it is time to make new choices?

Being compassionate and curious also comes more easily when we give ourselves permission to have feelings. In other words not making feelings of sadness, frustration, disappointment, overwhelm, confusion, heartache, joy, or any other feeling bad or wrong.

If we allow ourselves to feel our feelings we can move through them more easily. 

*Hint: Having a compassionate listener who does not try to fix how you are feeling is helpful! All they have to say is "That makes sense." 

I have a challenge for you (if you choose to accept): As you embark on the year ahead, instead of judging yourself for who you have or haven't been or what you have or haven't done, what if you say, "I have learned a lot about myself this past year, and here is who I am being and what I am doing or choosing moving forward."

And remember, every day, every moment (not just the end of the year) is an opportunity to start again.

Alright! Wishing you a healthy and safe holiday season. Please know that I am a resource for you. 

If you need support to move from Isolation to Connection this season, register for my free training here.

If you aren't already, join us in Living The Compassion Code, our free Facebook community to build connections during an isolated time.