As we approach the dawn of a new year, many of us begin the familiar tradition of setting resolutions—those firm declarations of intention that often, sadly, go unmet. But before you start drafting your goals for 2024, I invite you to consider a different approach: letting go.

During a journey through Thailand with my husband Aaron in 2010, we encountered a profound Thai New Year's Eve tradition that has reshaped our approach to welcoming the new year. Rather than setting goals, the focus is on what to let go of—those parts of our lives that no longer serve us.

That night, we were introduced to the ritual of releasing a lantern into the night sky, symbolizing the release of burdens and past pains. On that transformative New Year’s Eve, I chose to release the lingering fear and sadness from my mother's death in 2008. The act was simple yet powerful—I spent the night releasing pent-up tears on the beach, and by morning, I felt an unprecedented sense of rejuvenation. It was a magical and deeply cleansing experience, and I haven't been the same since.

Inspired by this tradition, here’s how you can create your own ritual of letting go to genuinely embrace the new year:

1. Identify and Acknowledge: Reflect on what feelings or behaviors you wish to release. This introspection is crucial—it's about recognizing what’s holding you back.

2. Share and Declare: Write down your intentions and share them aloud with someone who will listen without judgment. Their role isn’t to advise but to acknowledge, allowing you to feel supported in your release.

3. Ritualize the Release: Engage in a ritual that symbolizes letting go. Whether it's burning a piece of paper, releasing a lantern, or tearing up a document, find a method that resonates with you.

After clearing the old, consider setting a tone for the year by choosing a single word that embodies how you want to feel or what you wish to cultivate—like peace, presence, or confidence. Use this word to guide your decisions throughout the year, ensuring they align with your true desires and the essence you wish to embody.

This New Year, let’s shift our focus from adding more to our lives to first clearing out what no longer serves us. By doing so, we make space for new growth, opportunities, and a renewed sense of self that can truly transform our lives.

May you find strength in release, and may your chosen word illuminate your path throughout the year. Here’s to a year of meaningful change, starting from within.

The holiday season often presents unexpected opportunities for personal growth—sometimes in surprisingly painful ways. This weekend, a simple holiday potluck gathering unfolded into an unexpected revelation about breaking ancestral patterns and embracing authenticity, thanks to a conversation with my six-year-old son, Kai.

As we entered the festive gathering at a friend's home, my anxiety was palpable. With our friend still recovering from an illness, I felt a strong responsibility to maintain a respectful atmosphere. To ensure this, I asked Kai to "play the role of a big, grown-up boy for a few hours." His response, however, stopped me in my tracks and tugged at my heartstrings.

"You’re asking me not to be myself," Kai said, his eyes filling with tears.

In that moment, I recognized the weight of the expectation I was placing on him—an expectation rooted in my own childhood experiences of being told to "be a good girl" to gain acceptance and love. These words, intended to guide, often led to suppressing my true self to fit into societal expectations.

Kai, with his innocent wisdom, challenged this inherited narrative. We renegotiated, allowing him to be his mindful self from school, which was more than appropriate for our gathering. This exchange not only helped Kai but also offered me a profound insight: It highlighted the possibility of shedding the burdensome pattern of molding ourselves to meet others' expectations.

As I watched Kai adapt and enjoy the party, I realized the depth of the lesson he had offered me. This experience became a stepping stone in healing ancestral wounds and moving towards genuine authenticity. The tears I shed were not just of realization but of liberation from the anxiety of people-pleasing.

This holiday season, I hope my story with Kai inspires you to reflect on the expectations you carry. May it encourage you to break free from the chains of outdated norms and allow your true self to shine brilliantly.

As we continue our journey towards authentic living, let us remember that the most significant gifts often come from unexpected sources—like a simple conversation with a child at a holiday potluck.

Even amidst the festive cheer, the holiday season can underscore deeper sorrows—reflecting on the year's hardships can stir up a mix of emotions. The past year, 2023, has been fraught with global and personal tragedies—from wars and natural disasters to personal losses like the death of loved ones or the pain of divorce. These events remind us that, sometimes, tragedy feels inescapable.

While it's common to try and find solace in counting our blessings, I've realized that silver linings often don't help as much as we hope. For instance, after my mom passed away suddenly in 2008, I found myself listing reasons to soften the blow. “At least she was doing something she loved,” or “At least she didn’t suffer.” But deep down, these rationalizations felt hollow against the emotional reality of my loss.

The problem with "at least" is that it diminishes the validity of our true feelings. It suggests a comparative suffering which, frankly, doesn't alleviate the pain. Whether it's a breakup or a divorce without children, minimizing the loss doesn't magically make the emotional impact less significant. According to The Grief Recovery Institute, grief encompasses the loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations—feelings that are as tangible and real as any physical loss.

This holiday season, I encourage you to drop the "at least" from your vocabulary. When we use these phrases, we're often trying to offer comfort, but what we might actually be doing is dismissing genuine feelings of sorrow or distress. Instead, try acknowledging, validating, and simply listening.

Rather than saying, “At least they're in a better place,” consider responses like, “Thank you for sharing,” or “I can’t imagine how tough that has been for you.” Such expressions don't just respect the person's feelings; they validate them.

Feelings are normal and natural—they are biological responses that aren't meant to be fixed but experienced. Being present with our emotions, without judgment or quick fixes, allows them to move through us more freely.

If you've ever struggled with the urge to find a silver lining or offer unsolicited advice, remember that compassionate communication is a skill that can be nurtured. As Maya Angelou wisely said, “You can’t do better until you know better.”

Our community at The Compassion Code Academy is here to support you in learning how to communicate with empathy and understanding. To join us and learn more about cultivating these skills, visit The Collective.

Have you ever felt like you were leading a double life, hiding a part of yourself because it might seem "weird" to others? Well, I'm ready to open up about my own experience with this feeling.

In March of this year, during a deep meditation, I was guided to start an Instagram account under my pseudonym, Laylani Colibri. This account, Love Notes From Your Mom, was born from a vision to share the warmth and unconditional love of a mother through heartfelt messages. Since then, I've crafted 123 notes and organically grown to nearly 34,000 followers. Each note is a tender reminder designed to nurture—whether you're a mom expressing love to your children, someone seeking solace from the loss of a mother, or longing for a connection you wish you had.

Why am I sharing this now? Because I want to fully embrace my "weird" with you. I'm excited to announce that Love Notes From Your Mom and Laylani will soon be launching a stationary and merchandise shop. Plus, we're introducing The Unconditional Loveline Collective membership.

Join me on this journey of growth and unconditional love. It's time to celebrate being unique, and I invite you to be part of this loving community as we continue to expand and evolve.

Check it out here!

Do you ever find yourself achieving big milestones, hitting significant goals, and yet happiness seems to slip through your fingers?

Recently I heard a woman say that she had thought all of her problems would disappear when she hit her ideal weight.  However, when she got there, she realized that she was still the same person with a lower number on the scale.

This got me thinking. Many of us were raised with the notion that happiness is only attainable after achieving a specific goal, reaching a certain level of success, or hitting a personal milestone.

Yet, when we check those boxes and the expected happiness doesn’t follow or is only temporary, we’re left with a perplexing “Now what?”

If this sounds familiar, and you are ready for a new way to truly live and love your life RIGHT NOW, I invite you to invest just 15 minutes in watching my brand new free masterclass, “The One Simple Shift to Uncover the Path to Authentic Happiness & Success.” In this class, I explore how shifting our focus from future milestones to present moments can open the doors to genuine, lasting happiness.

You checked all the boxes. 

You did what you were “supposed” to do.

And then something broke — stopped working — or you realized it hasn’t been working for a while. 

You’re at a crossroads - a now what moment - and it may be a little scary. 

You thought you followed the “path of certainty” and it seems to have led you astray. You may even feel betrayed by a person, a job, or just life. 

And it makes sense. You have done it all right. You were a “good girl” or a “good boy” like you were supposed to be. Maybe you are left wondering “What happened? What’s it all for?” 

Well, I have a secret for you. 

This isn’t the end of the movie. 

This moment, this crossroads, is where the journey really begins. 

It may feel scary, lonely, uncertain. You may be feeling sorry for yourself, doubting your choices, regretting your past… 

I say — NO MORE!

Yes, you can feel sad, mad, frustrated… your feelings are totally valid. 

AND this is also your moment. 

I repeat… this is YOUR MOMENT. 

The crossroads is an opportunity to begin your transformational journey.

I haven’t ever talked to a butterfly, but I imagine that if they could talk they would say the metamorphosis (aka the GOO part) was really UNCOMFORTABLE.

Going from a caterpillar to a butterfly requires the courage to be messy and it isn’t always pretty, but you don’t have to do it alone. 

If you want to walk this path to a life that is truly authentic, peaceful, and fulfilling - truly aligned with your purpose for being here—

Then I invite you to join me, or at the very least jump on the phone with me to see what all the fuss is about. 

30~ minutes. You - me - truth - laughter - and maybe some tears, a plan, and a choice — to walk through it OR not. 

The choice is yours. Red pill or blue pill. 

Caterpillar or butterfly.

Curious? Schedule a call with me. 

It is my pleasure to witness you. 

Do you find yourself saying, I should be grateful; other people have it worse than I do? 

The challenge with that line of thinking is that it diminishes your experience and forces you to justify your feelings of sadness, disappointment, frustration, or even heartache. What no one else is telling you is that grief comes before gratitude. But before I tell you why, you must know that grief is not just death… not just the sad, terrible feelings.

According to the Grief Recovery Institute, “Grief is the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.” Thus, all change, exciting and challenging, can be grieving experiences because we are saying goodbye to what was. It also includes a loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations. Maybe you thought life would be different at this point… and you don’t love the way things are.

Grief must come before gratitude because if you ignore your true feelings and hide behind a mask of “Everything’s fine”, or “I should feel happy or grateful,” you can never truly be happy.

Why? Because that isn’t life. Life is full of twists and turns... So if you diminish your sadness, frustration, and disappointment, and even deep heartache, it prevents you from feeling deep joy, gratitude, and connection in your life.

Don’t get me wrong, gratitude is amazing! You just have to start by acknowledging your story, your truth, your experiences... in other words your grief. Otherwise, gratitude is just a box you check on your to do list. And I’m also not asking you to spend hours, weeks, months, or years… dressed in black and mourning…

I am just telling you that when you are being authentic, feeling your feelings, and acknowledging your grief, you will begin to have compassion for yourself… which allows you to have compassion for others in your life. Your heart will open to forgiveness and loving communication.

You may be thinking, “I am already loving and compassionate, and I already show others my care (and I believe you…) AND, I want to ask you this… Are you ALWAYS  kind and compassionate toward yourself? If the answer is no, then I guarantee you there is room to grow in your compassion for others… because compassion starts with self.

When you understand your story, your joy and your pain, you realize that the biggest lessons in life are learned from the greatest challenges you face. When you don’t put grief before gratitude, when you don’t honor the challenges and truth of real life, when you feel shame and diminish your feelings…Deep connection, authentic love, and abundance will be elusive. You will stay stuck in the feelings you are avoiding... like fear, resentment, disappointment, frustration and anger, and they will get louder until you pay attention.

Understanding and having gratitude for you like experience is key to moving forward in a whole new way. SO just like self-care, you must start with compassion for yourself and your story. We all deserve love and we can only receive as much love from others as we can give ourselves. 

So summing up, living life fully and experiencing deep gratitude is possible, AND the way to do this is simply by allowing yourself to feel all of your feelings and honor your story as it is as important and unique as you are.

Would you love to experience authentic happiness and success? Watch my brand new mini-masterclass to find out how to begin.

Ever wondered why some folks seem to be in perpetual complaint mode? Life's challenges are aplenty, that's for sure.

But here's the kicker—complaining has become a toxic default, an assumed norm. My theory? We grumble because it's far more acceptable than celebrating.

Think about it. From a young age, we're taught not to brag. "No one likes a bragger," they say. The downside? It discourages us from sharing our wins.

So, what's the remedy? Enter "Brag Buddies," a concept born out of my family routine and corporate workshops. It's a fantastic framework for people to share what they want to celebrate without the nagging guilt of "bragging."

People often keep their wins to themselves, fearing jealousy, judgment, or making others feel bad. Understandable, yet it prevents us from celebrating one another, leading to disappointment and a sense of being unacknowledged.

After losing my original Brag Buddy, my mom, in 2008, I created Brag Buddies. It might feel a bit awkward initially, but I invite you to give it a shot.

If you've ever thought, "No one notices all I do," or just fancy trying something fun, how about playing Brag Buddies today?

Here's the deal: Think of at least one thing you want acknowledgment for. Say, "I want to be acknowledged for __________." Their response? "YOU ROCK" or a simple "Thank you for sharing." Then switch and repeat.

My husband and I make this a daily ritual. "Can I share all the things I did today?" he'll ask. "Absolutely!" I'll reply. After he lists his accomplishments, I'll say, "That's awesome. Thank you so much." Then it's my turn.

We play it with our kids, with friends, and even in corporate workshops.

In a world filled with complaints, Brag Buddies creates a safe space to share wins, shifting the conversation from what's wrong to what's right.

Need a safe place to brag? Join The Compassion Collective —-> our unconditional love line —> by visiting here.

This past weekend I had the honor to speak and participate in a seminar entitled Loving Yourself Enough in Baton Rouge, LA.

The heart of what I shared was centered on the transformative power of shifting our internal dialogue from criticism to kindness.
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While the idea of self-love has gained much attention in the last couple years, the missing link often lies in the practical application. Many express the desire to love themselves but grapple with the "how." The journey can be challenging as it involves unraveling years of internal programming and, at times, generational patterns.

Here's a gentle starting point: "self-politeness."

Think of it as the timeless wisdom many of us were taught growing up: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Apply this golden rule to your inner dialogue. Begin by being self-polite, as it is a pathway to self-like, and, eventually, self-love. 

Why are we so hard on ourselves in the first place? The inner critic often echoes voices from our childhood, be it parents, caregivers, or societal expectations. Surprisingly, the positive intention behind the inner critic is usually to motivate you to be "good" so that your basic human needs for love, safety, and belonging are met.

Take a moment to reflect: How do you talk to yourself when you make a mistake or fall short of a goal? Do you berate yourself or acknowledge the effort you put in?

If you're uncertain about your inner dialogue, start paying attention. The beauty is that it's never too late to transform the most important relationship in your life—the one with yourself.

If you haven’t already, I invite you to take my Self-WELLth Assessment to determine how well you treat yourself mind, body, and spirit. This is not an opportunity for judgment, rather an opportunity for reflective curiosity.

As Carl Jung says, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

A trend I have noticed with people, particularly women, is that we often struggle to receive compliments.

Often it sounds something like this:

Person 1 : "You look nice today." Or "I love your outfit."

Person 2: "No, I don't. I am literally a train wreck right now. I had no sleep. I am running around with my head cut off. I have gained 10 pounds since I saw you last. And this dress was $6 from the clearance section at Ross."

If any of this sounds like you, please know that you are not alone. My intention is not guilt or shame, but rather to bring your awareness to this and offer an opportunity to try on something new.

Here's the thing -- a compliment is really a gift.

Imagine someone extending a beautifully wrapped present to you, and instead of accepting it with gratitude, you knock it out of their hand.

Here's what happens when we deny or reject compliments:

• We're not just rejecting a kind gesture, we may be unintentionally hurting the other person. It's like telling them, "You and your perception are wrong." 

•  We potentially block future compliments, and you might start wondering if others appreciate your efforts, your appearance, or your kindness.

• We're unkind to ourselves, and we rob ourselves of the joy that comes from receiving the gift of the compliment.

So, what's the solution?

It's surprisingly simple, though not always easy.

Just say, "Thank you." That's all it takes. If you're feeling bold, you can even add, "I appreciate you noticing" or "I like this outfit too."

When you respond with gratitude, you're accepting a gift graciously, and in doing so, you're giving a gift in return. You're telling the other person that their kindness matters, that they matter. It's a beautiful exchange of positive energy.

This doesn't just apply to compliments about our appearance. It's also relevant when someone acknowledges your hard work, your kindness, or your efforts. Instead of brushing it off with "It's no big deal," acknowledge their appreciation with "You're welcome" or "It was my pleasure."

I encourage you to try this for just one day. If it feels good, go for a week. Challenge yourself to accept compliments with a simple "Thank you" and respond to gratitude with "You're welcome." It might feel a bit uncomfortable initially, as you unlearn an old societal norm, but I promise you'll notice more uplifting interactions in your life, both personally and professionally.

Let's make this week one of gracious acceptance and generous gratitude. Try it on and see how it feels. I'd love to hear about your experiences with this simple yet transformative practice.

Let us know how we can support you here.

Creating a culture of compassion begins with a single, powerful choice—the choice to embrace compassion in your thoughts and beliefs, both about yourself and others. It's about living the compassion code, a way of life that extends understanding, empathy, and the benefit of the doubt to everyone we encounter.

Compassion isn't just a fleeting emotion; it's a culture we cultivate every day. This culture is built on a foundation of gratitude and regular compliments, a willingness to apologize and forgive, and the acknowledgment of a greater purpose in every interaction. It's about recognizing our common humanity and understanding that every person carries a valid and unique story.

When you choose to embody compassion, even in the face of indifference or negativity, you become a catalyst for elevating the consciousness of your environment. This journey requires trust and surrender, qualities that are entirely attainable once you learn to have compassion for yourself and appreciate the inherent brilliance within you.

Belief in others' greatness is a transformative force. When you truly see and believe in the potential of those around you, they sense it, and they respond by showing up in ways you may never have imagined. It's a ripple effect that starts with you, a compassionate leader who embodies the brightest, boldest version of themselves.

As a compassionate leader, you have the power to show vulnerability as strength. Your authenticity becomes your superpower because you've mastered the art of pre-framing all things, setting the stage for open and understanding interactions.

You have the privilege of being your best self without apology, knowing that your authenticity inspires others to rise alongside you.

A culture of compassion originates from one courageous individual: You. Your actions, your choices, and your unwavering commitment to shining your unique light. Don't underestimate the impact you have on those around you—your family, friends, colleagues, and everyone fortunate enough to share your presence.

Embrace the grace in your presence, for you are a beacon of light. When you shine and wholeheartedly believe in your brilliance, true magic happens, and genuine transformations take place.

If this message resonates with you, if it ignites a spark of recognition within your heart, I invite you to join me on a profound journey of self-discovery and compassion as part of the next cohort of The Compassion Code Academy by applying here.

In the Academy, you'll heal from your past, find inner peace, and acquire the essential skills to communicate with compassion in both your personal and professional life. It's not always easy to say yes, but it's often in those moments of courage that our most remarkable transformations occur.

Are you ready to step into your role as a compassionate leader? Let's embark on this transformative journey together. Your decision to say yes can be the catalyst for a compassionate culture that transcends you and touches the lives of countless others.

Yesterday, I met up with a new friend who is a Naturopathic Doctor. When I shared with her what I do, she asked me, “How do you give to so many and care so much without being crushed by the suffering of the world?”

Here is a summary of what I shared:

As empathetic individuals, we have a remarkable gift for understanding and sharing in the emotions of those around us.

However, when it comes to fostering healthy relationships and embracing our roles as compassionate leaders, it's crucial to establish boundaries around the care we provide to others. If we don’t then we can become overwhelmed, resentful, or neglectful of our own well-being. And then something even worse happens: we have nothing left to give!

So, how can we navigate the terrain of empathy without feeling drained?

Step 1: Shift Your Mentality about Pain and Hardship

One key to maintaining emotional balance is changing how we perceive pain and hardship. Instead of viewing these experiences as inherently negative, we can recognize them as essential components of personal growth. Just as we evolve through life's challenges, so do those we care about.

By reframing our perspective, we release the impulse to "fix" others when they are struggling. Instead, we validate their experiences, acknowledging their pain as part of their unique journey. This shift from fixing to validating enables us to grow in compassion without shouldering their suffering. Our role transitions from advice-giver to empathetic listener, fostering genuine connections heart-to-heart.

Step 2: Set Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are the foundation of compassionate self-care. Begin by understanding your own needs and communication style, and then express these to your loved ones and regular interactions. Start with a foundation of love, explaining your feelings and expectations openly. Here is an example of how this sounds:

"I want you to know that I deeply value our partnership and the roles we each play. Recently, I've been feeling frustrated because I don't feel like my contributions are being recognized. I understand we both have demanding roles, and I'm committed to validating myself. However, I would greatly appreciate it if you could share the aspects of my work that you find particularly valuable. I thrive when I receive words of affirmation from those I care about. Thank you for your support, and please let me know how I can best support you."

Step 3: Let Go of Thinking It's About You

It's a fundamental truth: most often, it's not about you. People, even those close to us, are entrenched in their own worlds. When they express anger or rudeness, take a deep breath and remind yourself, "This is not about me." Beneath their outward reactions, there usually lies a hidden story of unresolved pain or personal judgment. Although it's unfair for them to direct their frustrations at you, you can defuse the situation by not taking it personally.

Rather than assuming it's about you, consider asking yourself, "What can I learn from this experience?" or "What might this person be mirroring for me?" Every encounter, even when overheard, holds the potential for personal growth.

Remember, nurturing compassion without succumbing to burnout is an ongoing practice. By shifting your perspective, setting healthy boundaries, and letting go of personalization, you can create a space for deeper connections and personal growth.

In the spirit of continuous learning and growth, I'm excited to share that our next Compassion Code Academy cohort will begin next month. This transformative journey will equip you with invaluable skills for compassionate leadership and communication. If you're interested in learning more, you can apply here.