Mother's Day, like all holidays, can bring a mixture of emotions. While we all technically have a mother, what happens after birth varies greatly.I had no idea how challenging Mother's Day could be until my mom died because most of my life it was just a day where our family did something nice for our mom.

Since her death and after working with many men and women who have complicated and non-existent relationships with their mothers, I realize how much emotion this holiday can bring.As we say in Grief Recovery, unresolved grief comes from the things we wish were "different, better, or more... or a loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations.

"Whether your mother is living or dead, available or unavailable, distant or over-bearing, there are always things we wish were different, better, or more. For example, I wish that my mom hadn't died so young. I wish that my mom were here to be a grandmother. I wish my mom could be here to witness her babies being parents. I wish I could tell her I love her one more time. I wish I could tell her how much more I appreciate her now that I am a mom.

The other piece of this is around motherhood. Mother's Day also brings up feelings for women who want or wanted to be mothers but could not, ​who were mothers but who lost their children, or for mothers whose children are no longer in their lives.

Relationships are complicated, particularly with the women who bring us into this world and/or raise us.If you know a mother, yours or someone else's, who you think is doing a great job, let them know. If you are a mother, be kind to yourself, as it seems to be the hardest job in the world.

Whether this day is a celebration or a challenge, be compassionate to yourself and others, as everyone has a story and no relationship is perfect. 

What do you wish were different, better, or more with your mom?

What hopes, dreams and expectations did you or do you have that haven't or won't ever be met?

If you want to explore these feelings visit www.laurajack.com or get my free Compassion Code Starter Guide here to learn more about how to say the right thing when the wrong thing happens.

Father's Day, like all holidays, can come with some baggage.   Like Christmas, Valentine's Day, or it's close relative, Mother's Day, Father's Day can bring up unresolved grief.  

While Father's Day is traditionally about honoring your dad and setting aside time to say thank you, this can be a challenging day for someone who has unresolved grief.  

When I say grief, remember, it doesn't necessarily mean that your dad has died, as “grief is the conflicting feelings that come at the end of, or change in, a familiar pattern of behavior.” Grief come in many shapes and sizes.  Perhaps your relationship with your dad isn’t what you hoped or dreamed it would be, your dad wasn't around when you were growing up, your parents divorced, or perhaps you’ve never even met your biological father, etc.  Since family can be complicated, it is important to remember Father's Day can be too.

If your dad has died and you miss him, this may be a special opportunity to spend time doing things you loved doing with him.  You can also consider doing something that he loved. I encourage you to set aside time to honor him in whatever way feels good to you.

If you have a less than loving relationship with your dad, living or dead, this may be a good opportunity to be kind to yourself. Perhaps do something for yourself that you wish your dad would have done with you or for you. Some people try to make amends on this day.  If that feels like something you would like to do, let me just give you a couple tips.  

1) If you want to forgive him, please note that forgiving people who have not apologized may come across as an attack.  Perhaps you can forgive him in your heart and not to his face.  
2) If you have an expectation of the response you want, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment.  Go into any interaction with your dad without an agenda, an open mind, and an open heart.  

As we say at the Grief Recovery Institute, forgiveness is not about saying what they did is okay, it is about letting go of resentment so that we can be free.  

So, as you go throughout this day, I want you to remember that it is normal to have feelings of sadness, longing, or just wishing things were different, better, or more.

Give yourself permission to feel however you feel and know that you are not alone in those feelings.  While I am fortunate to have a loving relationship with my father, Father's Day makes me sad because it makes me miss my mom.  She was always really good at making Father's Day special for my dad, which often leaves me not knowing what do for him.  

Whatever your story is, please know that you are not alone.  If you have the best dad or the worst dad; if your dad died or you sometimes think that would make it easier;  if your relationship with your dad is complicated and healing, or simple and growing; please remember that there is nothing wrong with you.  

You may look around today and see a whole bunch of people looking happy and celebrating their father, and you may even be one of them.  Just know that underneath the surface, everyone has a story, no one is perfect, and we are all just trying to figure it out.   

I hope that reading this message allows you to find peace this Father's Day.  To all the Father's out there, good and bad, who gave us life-- thank you.

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