As we move through December, it’s natural to reflect on all that this year has brought—both the joyful and the challenging. While there’s so much to be grateful for, this season often highlights the grief, loss, and struggles we carry.
Maybe it’s the loss of a loved one, a relationship, or even a dream that didn’t go as planned. Or perhaps the endless to-dos and family dynamics leave you feeling stretched too thin.
It’s easy to feel like you have to justify your emotions with silver linings:
“At least I still have my health.”
“At least I have a roof over my head.”
“At least it wasn’t worse.”
But here’s the thing…
Silver Linings Don’t Help!!
When my mom died suddenly in 2008, I was the first to find 10 reasons why it was “okay.”
“At least she was happy when she died.”
“At least she didn’t suffer.”
“At least she knew I loved her.”
These statements were intellectually true, but emotionally, they didn’t help at all. The truth is, my mom’s death was the hardest thing I’ve ever faced. By trying to justify it with “at least,” I was unintentionally diminishing my own feelings.
We do this to others too, often with the best intentions:
“At least you weren’t married.”
"It could be worse; at least you have a job."
“At least you didn’t have kids together.”
"At least you're young, you'll find someone better."
“At least they’re in a better place.”
While we may be trying to offer comfort, these statements often miss the mark. They bypass the real emotions someone is experiencing.
So What Should We Do Instead?
The answer is simple but powerful:
Acknowledge, validate, and listen.
Instead of “at least,” try:
“I can’t imagine what this has been like for you..." (and then hold space for them to share).
“That makes so much sense.”
"You're feelings are totally valid."
“Thank you for sharing. I’m here to listen, if you want to tell me more.”
"It sounds like it has been really rough."
"Do you want me to hear you, help you, or hug you?"
Feelings—grief, sadness, frustration—are normal and natural. They don’t need to be fixed. In fact, when we allow ourselves and others to feel without judgment, those feelings often pass more easily.
If you’re finding this time of year challenging, you’re not alone. That’s why I’ve created resources to support you: 🎁 Emotional First Aid Kit: Holiday Edition
Navigate tough conversations, family dynamics, and self-care with expert tools, meditations, and resources designed to help you move through the season with more ease and compassion.