As we move through December, it’s natural to reflect on all that this year has brought—both the joyful and the challenging. While there’s so much to be grateful for, this season often highlights the grief, loss, and struggles we carry.

Maybe it’s the loss of a loved one, a relationship, or even a dream that didn’t go as planned. Or perhaps the endless to-dos and family dynamics leave you feeling stretched too thin.

It’s easy to feel like you have to justify your emotions with silver linings:

• “At least I still have my health.”

• “At least I have a roof over my head.”

• “At least it wasn’t worse.”

But here’s the thing…

Silver Linings Don’t Help!!

When my mom died suddenly in 2008, I was the first to find 10 reasons why it was “okay.”

• “At least she was happy when she died.”

• “At least she didn’t suffer.”

• “At least she knew I loved her.”

These statements were intellectually true, but emotionally, they didn’t help at all. The truth is, my mom’s death was the hardest thing I’ve ever faced. By trying to justify it with “at least,” I was unintentionally diminishing my own feelings.

We do this to others too, often with the best intentions:

• “At least you weren’t married.”

• "It could be worse; at least you have a job."

• “At least you didn’t have kids together.”

• "At least you're young, you'll find someone better."

• “At least they’re in a better place.”

While we may be trying to offer comfort, these statements often miss the mark. They bypass the real emotions someone is experiencing.

So What Should We Do Instead?
The answer is simple but powerful:
Acknowledge, validate, and listen.

Instead of “at least,” try:

• “I can’t imagine what this has been like for you..." (and then hold space for them to share).

• “That makes so much sense.”

• "You're feelings are totally valid."

• “Thank you for sharing. I’m here to listen, if you want to tell me more.”

• "It sounds like it has been really rough."

• "Do you want me to hear you, help you, or hug you?"

Feelings—grief, sadness, frustration—are normal and natural. They don’t need to be fixed. In fact, when we allow ourselves and others to feel without judgment, those feelings often pass more easily.

If you’re finding this time of year challenging, you’re not alone. That’s why I’ve created resources to support you: 🎁 Emotional First Aid Kit: Holiday Edition
Navigate tough conversations, family dynamics, and self-care with expert tools, meditations, and resources designed to help you move through the season with more ease and compassion.

As a child, I vividly remember my father saying, “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” Over time, I've come to realize that both elements hold immense significance. Yes, the tone and delivery of our words are crucial, but the content of what we say is equally important. It's a dynamic interplay between what and how.

Consider the words you choose, the cadence of your voice, the nuances of your body language, and the intentions that shape your words. This intricate symphony of communication has the power to either strengthen or weaken connections. Before engaging in a challenging conversation, I make it a point to set the intention for a healthy exchange. I've learned that being mindful of my tone, ensuring it carries genuine curiosity rather than judgment, makes a remarkable difference.

One valuable lesson from my coach training has remained with me: humans are naturally drawn to "like kind." In the context of connections, this implies that individuals who harbor compassion for themselves and their struggles can more easily establish rapport with others. While we yearn to know we're not alone, we also seek acknowledgment that our experiences are uniquely ours. This profound commonality of emotions, the shared human experience, makes us inherently "like-kind" on a fundamental level. As a result, forming connections becomes not just possible, but often effortless.

The significance of nonverbal communication in rapport-building cannot be overstated. Here are some simple yet powerful tools:

1. Sincere Eye Contact: While avoiding a stare, maintaining natural and gentle eye contact signals that you care, are attentive, and willing to be present.

2. Align Words and Body Language: Ensure your body language aligns with your spoken sentiments. Facing the person with genuine eye contact reinforces your sincerity.

3. Open Posture: Whether sitting or standing, keep your arms and legs uncrossed. Crossed limbs or turning away may inadvertently convey closure and disinterest.

4. Stay Present: Engage fully with what the other person is saying. Even momentary distractions can make them feel unimportant.

5. Address Distractions: Should you become distracted, honesty is the best policy. Admit your lapse and ask them to repeat their last statement. This genuine approach helps rebuild rapport quickly.

6. Mirroring for Connection: At times, mirroring the other person's body language can foster rapport. This isn't about imitation but creating a sense of similarity. Subtle gestures of mirroring can establish a subconscious connection, enhancing the interaction.

Effective communication goes beyond words; it embodies empathy, respect, and understanding. By combining these nonverbal tools with the intention to communicate compassionately, we elevate the quality of our interactions. These practices not only build rapport but also nurture an environment where connection thrives.

In my journey with The Compassion Code Academy, I've uncovered a profound truth: compassion, a force transcending mere words, serves as the bridge that unites us, forging an unbreakable bond of shared understanding.

For a deeper dive into compassionate communication, join me by downloading The Compassion Code Starter Guide or join us in The Compassion Collective: Expert Coaching to Navigate Life’s Challenges With Compassion. Let's journey together in cultivating empathy and understanding through our words and presence.