With the way of the world today, it feels important to share my truth with you. I share in hopes that my perspective with grief and compassion can offer some hope for a future that brings us out of isolation and division propelling us into compassion and connection. 

Before sharing anything else, I want to acknowledge the grief we are experiencing as a society. 

Grief, according to The Grief Recovery Institute, "is the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of  behavior." And unresolved grief is the "loss of  hopes, dreams, and expectations about what we wish was different, better, or more."

So when we think about all the recent changes, all the things we don't get to do, the school closures, the loneliness due to social isolation, the loss of jobs, the closing of businesses, the loss of trust, not to mention the fear and threat to our health and mental wellness... it is understandable that we are grieving. 

While what each of us is experiencing in our daily lives is unique, what remains the same and universally true are the wide range of feelings we have as  humans: confusion, overwhelm, anxiety, fear, discomfort, disappointment, uncertainty, hope, gratitude, relief, curiosity, worry, loneliness, regret, shame, determination, and the list goes on. 

During this time of change and challenge, the most important thing to remember is our common humanity. 

Grief is what unites us, as we are all human and no one is immune to the hardships of loss- be it the devastation and heartache of losing someone you love or someone important to you… or losing your hopes, dreams, and expectations about how you thought life, particularly your life or the life of those you love, would go. A loss of yourself, a loss of health, a loss of love, a loss of confidence, a loss of community, a loss of opportunity, a loss of hope, a loss of trust... 

What matters most to us is becoming clear. And what we are willing to put up with is changing. That is what grief does... it strips away the facade. It's where love has a chance to show itself, and where powerful movements like Black Lives Matter, #metoo, and LGBTQ civil rights are born.

This process, death of the old ways of being, doing, acting, can be painful... because change can be painful. And yet, the potential for a new beginning that we never thought possible is what becomes available.

The challenge I see? That grief is not something most of us were not taught much about. If anything, we were actually given a lot of misinformation about it. I am here to tell you this: 

When we are able to look at our grief with compassion and acknowledge and validate the grief in others, then love can outshine hate --- and our world can begin to heal. 

As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

Self-compassion is where healing begins. This means acknowledging our own feelings and heart-ache as valid, rather than dismissing them. Because dismissing our own grief experiences means dismissing the grief experiences of others. 

Therefore when we have compassion for ourselves and our stories, we are then able to have compassion for others.

Forgiveness also starts within. When we forgive ourselves- not through condoning or dismissing our own behavior, but rather by owning our part, apologizing, and having compassion for ourselves for the things we wish we had done differently... then forgiving others becomes possible.

This is what it means to be human (to me): to acknowledge our imperfections, to apologize when we hurt others, and to begin again with the intention to be kinder, more aware, and always growing.

If we are going to rise out of the pain of our losses and move forward with conscious, empowered intention...then the first step is recognizing that we have a choice, and that choice starts with how we decide to treat ourselves.

Once we have chosen self-compassion, self-forgiveness, and self-love, then we can choose a new path forward, and that path forward can be about building connection through compassion, curiosity, and understanding. 

And let’s be clear, it doesn’t have to be grand. It can start small by simply recognizing when we are unkind to ourselves and then taking baby steps to offer ourselves the loving kindness we need and want. 

It can also be the simple act of acknowledging a stranger, your neighbor, the person who is checking you out at the grocery store. It can be a thank you. It can be a deep breath before we react. It can be asking a question with curiosity rather than jumping to conclusions. 

In Grief Recovery we say, "loving yourself is having the willingness and ability to make your own choices without the need of approval of others"… in other words, reverence or deep respect for the beauty within you and for your life's journey. 

While loving another “is having the willingness and ability to allow others to make their own choices, without the need to satisfy you." So simply witnessing and having reverence for the beauty of another and their life’s experience is you loving another.

Once we make this shift, treating ourselves, our stories, our experiences, our journey with respect and self-compassion, then the Golden Rule of treating others the way you want to be treated (or the way you treat yourself) - will be a gift rather than a detriment.

As Desmond Tutu said, "My humanity is bound up in yours. For we can only be human together." 

So, if you are wondering what you can do to co-create a more beautiful tomorrow, you can start by healing your own heart... because as you do, your capacity to have compassion for others will grow exponentially. 

And since grief, recovering from the pain of loss, and connecting through compassionate communication is where I feel most helpful, I decided to create a webinar to help those who are grieving move from isolation to connection after experiencing loss. And for the sake of practical action, I even provide heartfelt scripts so you can compassionately ask for what you need from the people in your life who matter most while still protecting your heart. 

It is available now and the scripts alone are a valuable tool to help you move from isolation to connection after loss. Register here to begin doing your part to build a more compassionate world.

And, if you haven't read The Compassion Code: How to say the right thing when the wrong thing happens, now may be the time. 

Hey guys!

In this video, I get into how grief exists in all the changes we experience in life and that what you are feeling when things change is normal.

According to the Grief Recovery Institute, grief is the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior. Therefore grief is in all changes that we experience as humans.

With the Coronavirus, the stay at home orders, and all the big changes that come with work, socializing, and life in general not to mention all of the grieving experiences that are related to traditional grieving experiences, just know that it's okay to grieve.

A few of the most important things that we have to remember in order to have compassion for ourselves during this challenging time is that:

1. It is ok to grieve (all losses not just death.)

2. Your feelings are legitimate, yours and yours alone. They are normal and they are natural.

3. Remember to acknowledge and validate yourself and others.

4. Whatever you're experiencing is ok!

5. You don't have to compare yourself to others. Comparing leads to isolation.

6. Try not to diminish other's feelings or experiences as well.

7. Relate kindly to yourself.

8. Know your audience and know who can support you!

To learn more, watch our brand new Masterclass: Compassionate Communication 101: 5 Shifts to Confidently Navigate Change and Challenge with Ease.

Good morning everyone!

This week I was a guest blogger on Career Charters and I had the pleasure to write a blog explaining why grieving a career change is not only normal, but OK, and how we can move forward in a healthy way.

Here's a sneak preview:

We often associate grief with a significant loss such as the death of a loved one, but grief can arise with any change we experience in our life. According to the Grief Recovery Institute, grief is “the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior,” and it is also “the loss of hopes, dreams, or expectations.”

As we are confronted with the realities of coronavirus, these last few weeks have been full of lost hopes, dreams and expectations in the form of cancellations, closures, and tremendous change and uncertainty. This has resulted in a collective grieving experience throughout society. Our careers are one place where many people are feeling these intense changes, as much of our identity is often wrapped up in what we do for a living. Before I share examples of work-related grieving experiences and how to cope in a healthy way, I want you to know that it’s okay to grieve the loss and uncertainty you are experiencing, no matter how big or small.  

To read more, click here:

https://www.careercharters.com/blog/2020/4/4/grieving-a-career-change-and-how-to-move-forward

For more support, check out our Masterclass: Compassionate Communication 101: 5 Shifts to Confidently Navigate Change and Challenge with Ease. Register here.

What if every terrible thing that ever happened in your life was a chance for you to learn and grow? What if feeling like learning and growing was a worthwhile endeavor?

Do you know that grief, according to the Grief Recovery Institute, is the “conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior?”

So, every time you have gone through a loss or a life transition, the death of someone you love, the end of a romantic relationship, the death of a dream, the loss of your identity, the loss of trust or innocence... instead of seeing it as something that happened TO you, you decided to see it as something that happened FOR you?

Ugh... what a painful way to learn and grow. I can’t say that it is fun or enjoyable, and yet what a worthy cause. So rather than going through the experience in vain, what if we could find meaning in it? What if we used it as an opportunity to be awakened to our lives, to what really matters to us, to prioritizing love and connection, to choosing creativity and connection?

Life is full of heart-ache, challenges, uncertainty, and confusion. And... as you have probably heard a time or two, change is the only certainty in life. So, what can we do with that?

Can we decide that we are going to embrace change and choose to get curious? Can we choose love and growth rather than letting fear win?

The only way to really move through pain is to acknowledge its existence... to feel the fear and do it anyway.

The only way to acknowledge its existence is to give it a voice. When we share our pain and ask for support, we share our humanity with others and the pain that was once buried deep within us has a chance to come to the surface and be cleared away.

When we share ourselves vulnerably with others, and we are received with love and curiosity rather than fear and judgment, we create a ripple effect of brave conversations that lead to more connection.

So, if you have been through deep heart-ache and you want to help build an army of compassion, schedule a call to talk to me about The Compassion Code Academy: a transformational experience for heart-centered, conscious leaders, coaches, mentors who want practical tools to communicate effectively and lead confidently so they can have brave conversations, create greater impact and own their value both personally and professionally.

Interested in learning more? Watch my webinar, Compassionate Communication 101, here.

Good morning!

I recently had the privilege to guest blog for Understanding Compassion explaining the four most common responses to grief and how to respond instead.

Here's a sneak preview:

Everyone experiences grief or loss at some point during life, and it’s helpful to know what to say and what not to say to a grieving loved one in order to be as supportive and compassionate as possible.

Opening up about our deepest and most vulnerable feelings can be very challenging, and that’s why it’s so important to use language which truly nurtures and cares for the feelings of another. Those experiencing grief often say, “No one feels like I feel,” or “If I tell people how I feel, they may think I’m crazy or may not want to be around me.” Even though we have all been through something; a crumbled relationship, losing someone dear, a move, a rejection, etc…. we often feel alone in our painful experiences.

Many of us haven’t been taught how to compassionately relate to the painful feelings of others, or even how to relate to our own. We aren’t given tools as a society to deal with the sad stuff. We are expected to feel good most or all of the time. 

To read more, click here:

https://understandingcompassion.com/articles/the-four-most-common-responses-to-grief-and-how-to-respond-with-compassion-instead/