When life is good, it can feel effortless to be a good leader, a good parent, a good partner, a good friend.

However, how we handle ourselves during big changes and challenges is really what separates the good from the GREAT!

When my mom died in a tragic accident in 2008, Aaron and I were in the first 9 months of our relationship. We were having the time of our lives... and in a moment everything changed. From his perspective he had just met and fallen in love with this amazing:), life-of-the-party woman (me) when all of sudden she loses her mom and is understandably, but challengingly, experiencing the lowest point in her life.

How he handled my grief and how we handled our communication at that time is why we have now been together for 13 years and married for 10... because when things take a turn for the worse, when life happens, when things don’t go our way... how we handle it often determines the quality of our leadership and relationships moving forward.

That old expression, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” sucks to hear when you are down in the dumps, and yet, those challenging moments of life do show us what we are made of... and sometimes they do kill us. Let me let you in on a little secret, change (big and small) doesn’t have to destroy you. In fact, it can be the birthplace for growth and transformation!

How you navigate and manage change and challenge is the difference between a good leader and an excellent leader, and this is ABSOLUTELY a learnable skill. So, if you are a leader, be it that you manage a team, an organization, a family, or even just yourself, and you want to learn how to be confident, brave, effective and compassionate, even through the inevitable challenges and changes in life, schedule a free consultation with me to determine if we are good fit for working together.

Interested in learning more? Watch my webinar, Compassionate Communication 101, here.

What if every terrible thing that ever happened in your life was a chance for you to learn and grow? What if feeling like learning and growing was a worthwhile endeavor?

Do you know that grief, according to the Grief Recovery Institute, is the “conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior?”

So, every time you have gone through a loss or a life transition, the death of someone you love, the end of a romantic relationship, the death of a dream, the loss of your identity, the loss of trust or innocence... instead of seeing it as something that happened TO you, you decided to see it as something that happened FOR you?

Ugh... what a painful way to learn and grow. I can’t say that it is fun or enjoyable, and yet what a worthy cause. So rather than going through the experience in vain, what if we could find meaning in it? What if we used it as an opportunity to be awakened to our lives, to what really matters to us, to prioritizing love and connection, to choosing creativity and connection?

Life is full of heart-ache, challenges, uncertainty, and confusion. And... as you have probably heard a time or two, change is the only certainty in life. So, what can we do with that?

Can we decide that we are going to embrace change and choose to get curious? Can we choose love and growth rather than letting fear win?

The only way to really move through pain is to acknowledge its existence... to feel the fear and do it anyway.

The only way to acknowledge its existence is to give it a voice. When we share our pain and ask for support, we share our humanity with others and the pain that was once buried deep within us has a chance to come to the surface and be cleared away.

When we share ourselves vulnerably with others, and we are received with love and curiosity rather than fear and judgment, we create a ripple effect of brave conversations that lead to more connection.

So, if you have been through deep heart-ache and you want to help build an army of compassion, schedule a call to talk to me about The Compassion Code Academy: a transformational experience for heart-centered, conscious leaders, coaches, mentors who want practical tools to communicate effectively and lead confidently so they can have brave conversations, create greater impact and own their value both personally and professionally.

Interested in learning more? Watch my webinar, Compassionate Communication 101, here.

When the unexpected happens or when tragedy strikes, it reminds us how fragile our lives are. We think that somehow it won't happen to us or anyone we love. And then a childhood hero dies in a tragic accident, a colleague is diagnosed with a terminal illness, or someone close to us moves away... and we are left feeling a massive amount of conflicting emotions, also known as grief. 

When I lost my mom in a tragic accident, my life came to a screeching halt. So many things that seemed to matter all of a sudden didn't matter at all. My priorities became clear.

These tragedies often remind us to hold our loved ones close because tomorrow is not promised to any of us. They also beg the questions, "Am I living life the way I want to live it?" Or, "Is this grudge worth holding?" Or, "If this is my last conversation with this person, is this the way I want it to be?" Or even, "How do I want to be remembered? Is this the legacy I want to leave... what is my legacy?" 

If you haven't answered those questions lately (or ever), I would encourage you to grab a pen and paper and sit with them.

Since my mom's death and all the work I have done on my grief and the grief of others, I realized that the legacy I want to leave is to create a culture of compassion that starts with me being kinder to myself and accepting all of my emotions as important and unique.

We are so often our own worst critic, and we take what other people say and do personally (even though it is usually not about us at all). 

When we are hurting, we often feel like no one understands or has been through any such thing... but the thing that is so fascinating is that while each of our experiences are unique... feelings are universal. We have all been sad, scared, excited, overwhelmed, heart-broken, joyful, frustrated, angry, resentful, jealous, connected, proud, misunderstood...

Compassion comes from understanding that everyone has a story and that story is important and valuable. Each of us is unique and yet we share a common humanity that warms our hearts. 

Since publishing The Compassion Code: How to say the right thing when the wrong thing happens, I have had the unique and amazing opportunity to speak to thousands of people both online and on stages about communicating and leading with compassion and confidence… even through the toughest situations.

After these talks and trainings, people often ask how they can implement the tools in my book in their own lives and how they can support other people in their lives more compassionately without burning out … and I thought, “Aha, so this is what I am here to do next.” I call this golden bread crumbs:)

And out of my desire to help people get out of their own way and leave their positive mark on the world, The Compassion Code Academy was born. 

I am constantly inspired by the transformation our clients are experiencing, as they are: 

Learning how to own their worth, understand their true value, love themselves, and speak their needs without feeling selfish, needy or ungrateful. And the coolest part is that this inner knowing creates a ripple effect of compassion and empowerment that is inspiring those around them to do the same. 

Navigating complicated relationships, communications, and dynamics with confidence and compassion… so they don’t have to play back scenarios over and over again in their heads wondering how they could have handled an interaction better.

Learning how to listen, acknowledge, validate and respond with compassion during difficult conversations without over-giving or under-giving.  

The truth is, life is too short to wait to make a difference (big or small). Each person has an average reach of 1000 people. So just imagine the ripple effect of you knowing how to move from:

• victim ------> empowered

• grief ------> gratitude

• uncertainty ------> trust

• self-doubt ------> self-love

• judgement ------> curiosity

• disconnected ------> connected

I’ve opened up some times this week to speak to some ultra-committed people who are looking for practical tools to communicate effectively and lead confidently so they can have brave conversations, create greater impact, and own their value personally and professionally.

There’s no charge for this; it’s totally free.

But it’s not for everyone. Here’s who I can help:

People who are awake to the fact that life is short and precious, who are done making excuses, who are coachable, open, and ready to get out of their own way so they can make a positive impact on the world.

If you’re ready to lead and communicate authentically, vulnerably and inspirationally even during the most stressful times without compromising yourself, click here to book your session. 

BTW: These free consultations will fill up fast, so if anything in this email resonates with you, schedule your time with me to figure out if we are a good fit!!

So looking forward to connecting with you, and feel free to share with someone in your life who you think of as a conscious, mission-driven leader or coach.

Interested in learning more? Watch my webinar, Compassionate Communication 101, here.

Do you ever feel guilty that you don't feel chipper and cheerful this time of year? Perhaps you think to yourself, "I have so much to be grateful for, so why do I feel ______ (fill in the blank with literally any other feeling)?"

I just want you to know that no matter how much personal growth you have done or how good you feel in your life, the holidays can be trying, tense, and emotional. I tell you this not to try to fix the pain or tension, but rather to remind you that you are normal. 

Why are the holidays challenging?

Being out of routine in different environments with family (or not), can bring awareness to how life has changed, how you have changed, and perhaps a loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations... things you hoped would be different, better or more.

In other words, grief. At the Grief Recovery Institute, grief is defined as "the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior." 

Seeing that today is not only the last day of the year, but also the last day of this decade, there is a lot of conscious and unconscious reflecting happening.

Whether you realize it or not, most people do a whole lot of, "what's wrong with me?" "Why am I not ________... " that you thought you "should" be at this point.  "If only I had...."

These are just a few of the self critical, internal judgments that so many people have going on inside (particularly during this transitional time). 

So what do we do about it? 

In order to have more peace and ease in this time of reflection, transition, and possibly tension, we must shift from self-judgment to self-compassion (relating kindly to yourself during the trying times of life).

The way to do this is with curiosity. Curiosity sounds like:

• "Hmmm... I wonder why this is bothering me so much."

• "Hmmm... I wonder what I am learning from the choices I have made?"

• "Hmmm... I wonder if it is time to make new choices?

Being compassionate and curious also comes more easily when we give ourselves permission to have feelings. In other words not making feelings of sadness, frustration, disappointment, overwhelm, confusion, heartache, joy, or any other feeling bad or wrong.

If we allow ourselves to feel our feelings we can move through them more easily. 

*Hint: Have a compassionate listener who does not try to fix how you are feeling is helpful! All they have to say is "That makes sense." 

I have a challenge for you (if you choose to accept): As you embark on the year ahead, instead of judging yourself for who you have or haven't been or what you have or haven't done, what if you say, "Here is who I am being and what I am doing or choosing moving forward."

And remember, every day, every moment (not just the New Year) is an opportunity to start again.

Alright! Wishing you a healthy and safe New Year. Please know that I am a resource for you.

Visit my new virtual home www.laurajack.com to learn more about all the ways I can support you and the people you serve. 

Interested in learning more? Watch my webinar, Compassionate Communication 101, here.

The holidays, while filled with magic and wonder for some, can also be really challenging. Part of the challenge is that the winter with its short days and cold nights encourages us to slow down, and yet it is one of the most bustling, busy times of year. It may also feel challenging because of the seemingly excessive stimulus and unmet expectations. 

So how do we get through the holidays with more joy and ease? 

It starts by being compassionate with ourselves. I know it is the season of giving, AND you can't give when your cup is empty. 

What that means is that you must take care of yourself, and in order to take care of yourself you have to know what you need.

So here's how to set yourself up for success: 

1) Shift your mindset about selfishness. Filling up your cup (doing things that make you feel good) makes it easier for you to give to others. No one wants your backwash:)

2) Figure out 5 things that fill you up (exercise, making a craft, talking to a friend, having a quiet morning, writing in a journal, volunteering, etc.) 

3) Choose 1 thing each day to do for yourself (it can be 5 minutes) without guilt.

4) Encourage others do things that fill them up too. When they are full they more to give you as well! 

5) Be gentle with yourself when you aren't feeling cheerful. It is normal to experience a vast range of emotions during this time of year (and all the time for that matter). What it means to be gentle with yourself is not beating yourself up for being imperfect. 

6) Remember that the holidays are also about love and forgiveness (and the secret to that is that it always starts with you). 

7) Forgiveness is not synonymous with relationship or condoning behavior. Therefore, just because you let go of resentment, it does not mean you have to have a relationship with that person, nor does it mean that you are saying what they did was okay. All it means is that you are choosing to let go of resentment for your freedom. 
Alright! Wishing you well this holiday season. Please know that I am a resource for you.

Visit my virtual home www.laurajack.com to learn more about all the ways I can support you and the people you serve. 

Interested in learning more? Watch my webinar, Compassionate Communication 101, here.

Good morning!

I recently had the privilege to guest blog for Understanding Compassion explaining the four most common responses to grief and how to respond instead.

Here's a sneak preview:

Everyone experiences grief or loss at some point during life, and it’s helpful to know what to say and what not to say to a grieving loved one in order to be as supportive and compassionate as possible.

Opening up about our deepest and most vulnerable feelings can be very challenging, and that’s why it’s so important to use language which truly nurtures and cares for the feelings of another. Those experiencing grief often say, “No one feels like I feel,” or “If I tell people how I feel, they may think I’m crazy or may not want to be around me.” Even though we have all been through something; a crumbled relationship, losing someone dear, a move, a rejection, etc…. we often feel alone in our painful experiences.

Many of us haven’t been taught how to compassionately relate to the painful feelings of others, or even how to relate to our own. We aren’t given tools as a society to deal with the sad stuff. We are expected to feel good most or all of the time. 

To read more, click here:

https://understandingcompassion.com/articles/the-four-most-common-responses-to-grief-and-how-to-respond-with-compassion-instead/

My uncle, the oldest of five children and still only 67 years old, recently died while tending to his garden up in Washington state.  These sudden, unexpected deaths of people we love really remind us how precious life really is.  It is in these moments, we are forced to face our own mortality.

Sometimes we forget that we don't live forever.  We let ourselves be overwhelmed by the minutia of everyday life. And then, out of no where, someone we care about dies.  

It sucks, and we are left wondering so many things about the relationship, about life, and about ourselves. We begin reflecting on our lives.  

If tomorrow were my last day, am I doing what I want with my life? Am I spending time with the people I love? Do people know how I feel about them?

While the death of people we love can be painful for those of us left behind, one of the beautiful things about death is that it allows us to take a pause in our lives.  It initiates a reflection period that we rarely take otherwise.  It causes the social "shoulds" to loosen up for a time and allows us to really look at what we want moving forward.

One of the biggest challenges of sudden loss is the feeling of incompleteness. Did I communicate all that I wanted to say to that person? Was I good niece, brother, wife, friend?  Did they know how I felt about them? Should I have called more?

These questions are usually a sign that something was left  incomplete in the relationship. As we say at the Grief Recovery Institute®, "Incompleteness is an accumulation of undelivered communications, large and small, that have emotional value to you.  Sometimes incompleteness is caused by our actions or non-actions.  Other times it is caused by circumstances out of our control."

While the Grief Recovery Method allows us to find completion with people who are no longer in our lives, dead or alive, it is also a good reminder to be complete in our existing relationships. Different people have different ways of being complete in their relationships.  Some people never get off the phone with their spouse, parent, sibling, friend, without saying I love you.  Some people don't go to bed angry.  

I personally try to live my life and communicate with the people I care about in a way that I feels authentic. While losing my mom was incredibly challenging for me, one thing I always felt grateful for was that she knew how much I loved her.

Consider this, if today were your last day, are there any communications you would like to make?  Is there any thing that you would like to do? Because we are mortal, don't let time pass before you tell people you love them.  Don't wait. Live now, for today is the only certainty we have.

For more about how I can support you and the people you serve, visit www.laurajack.com.