Today I want to talk to you about riding the waves of grief around the coronavirus and all the other challenges you are facing during this time.

So, what I've been hearing and noticing in my life, both personally and professionally, is that people are really hitting this point of, “oh my gosh, is this still going on?”

And so I want to first acknowledge all of you who are experiencing the grief of losing somebody you love.

I want to acknowledge that that's very real, and I don't want to take anything away from that because it can be one of the most earth-shattering experiences in life to lose somebody you love.

I also want to talk about the grieving experiences that come from a loss of freedom, a loss of routine and what's typically going on in your life, a loss of dreams or expectations you had that something was going to be different than it is.

So for example, maybe you enrolled in a course, had a vacation planned, or maybe you had a vision of how you thought things were going to be right now, and they just aren't that.

And you know the first couple weeks you were thinking, “Okay. This is temporary,” and now you’re feeling like, “Oh my goodness, I’m starting to feel like I'm going crazy.”

If that sounds like you, I just want to recognize that there's a collective experience happening where we are all grieving.

No matter what your experience is, I just want you to know that all those feelings are normal and natural reactions to loss of any kind.

At the Grief Recovery Institute, we talk about how “grief is the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior,” and it is also a “loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations.”

We are all experiencing grief on some level right now.

So whether you are feeling grateful and at peace, exhausted and devastated, or somewhere in between, just know that you aren’t alone.

What seems to be true for many people is that a lot of old grief is coming up because we don’t have our typical distractions. Normally we can plan, stay busy, go out, commute, fill in the blank of any other thing that distracts us from our feelings, and right now we can't plan. There's no way to know.

So if you're just noticing in your life right now that you're having a hard time, I want you to give yourself some love and compassion.

None of the negative self-talk.

Right now, I just want you to say to yourself, “You know what, you're doing okay. You're doing the best that you can and sometimes it's not gonna cut it… and I'm gonna keep trying to be better and kinder — kinder to myself and kinder to others every day.

So it's just being compassionate with yourself that this is not easy. It's not easy for any of us. There's varying degrees of challenge that we're all facing and for those of you who are dealing with immense heartache, let us, those of us who aren't dealing with immense heartache, support you.

If you are in the midst of heartache or hardship, please know that your job right now is to receive.

There's no shame in receiving. There's no shame in asking for help. When you have something to give, whether that's your love, or that's your energy, attention, whether it's a video like this, please share when you can.

That's the gift that we get to give in this time. There's this flow, this give-and-take.

So you are riding the wave. You are in it.

Some days are good, and when it's good, embrace it and be grateful.

And when you feel terrible, you're down in the dumps, you're spiraling, you're thinking, “My freedom is gone, am I ever gonna see friends again? “Am I ever gonna get out in the world?’

Let yourself feel that too. Just don’t stay there.

Give yourself this internal dialogue, “Okay, I'm gonna give myself the next ten minutes (an hour/day) to go into the depths of despair and then I'm gonna let myself move beyond it and find gratitude.”

Ride those waves, be gentle and kind with yourself, be gentle and kind with others; we're all in this together.

It is hard. And let that difficulty be what unites us right now rather than divide us.

I want to talk to you today about the importance of not diminishing your own experience.

If you are thinking you have it easier than other people and therefore thinking “It's not okay for me to feel bad,” I just want you to remember you are also allowed to feel your feelings.

Everybody's experience is different. We're all going through something, and just acknowledging that your experience is valid and important to you is such a huge part of self-care during this time.

If you've been feeling guilty because you're doing okay, you have a job, you feel safe or secure, let me share this.

At The Grief Recovery Institute, we teach that guilt is the intention to harm.

So first, I just want you to ask yourself that, “Do I or did I have any intention to harm someone else by having success/ by being okay/ by being happy/ by having a good day/ by enjoying the sunshine?”

And if the answer is no, then I want you to consider taking off what I call the ‘guilt coat’ and ask yourself, what are the underlying feelings that you're having? In other words, what is underneath that guilt?

What I usually find is that I feel sad that other people are having a hard time, or I'm feeling hopeless about the situation. This leads to me feel guilty because it feels safer.

I want to give you permission and invite you to think about doing well, having a good day, feeling so safe and healthy, having a job. Whatever it is that is going well for you. Then I want you to consider that any area of your life where you are doing well is an opportunity for you to be full, which allows you to give to others.

If we were all drowning in an ocean of despair at the same time, who would help us out of it? Who would throw us the life preserver?

So, if you are somebody who's going through a hard time: maybe you lost your job, maybe you're going through hardship at home, maybe somebody in your life has died who you love, maybe you or someone you love is sick, it's okay for you to feel all those feelings. Your feelings are valid and important.

If you're somebody who is not having those experiences right now, rather than feeling guilty, utilize this as an opportunity to put yourself out there for others in whatever way you can.

Be supportive whenever you have extra energy because we all need people to support us when we're feeling down.

Those who are suffering really dramatically can be supported by those of us who are fortunate enough to be suffering in different ways.

Missing your friends, going to work, or visiting your favorite coffee shop, are completely valid as well.

We just need to contribute in whatever way we can. If you have money, or skills, or time, or love, or music, or shelter, or whatever it is that that may be right now, utilize this as an opportunity to give from that place of abundance.

If you're someone who needs help, your contribution can be ALLOWING others to give to you (which feels really good too, if you think about it.)

We love giving, so allow someone to give to you as a gift.

Share love whenever possible, offer your time, energy, love, money, whatever abundance of resources, or offer the ability to receive because that too is a gift. Okay?

We're all in this together, we're just all experiencing it in different ways.

So wherever you are, just show up as you are, ask for help if you need it, or give help if you have extra to give.

No need to feel guilt, because unless you had an intention to harm, it's not the real feeling.

Take off that guilt coat and ask yourself the question, “What's underneath this?” I feel sad. I feel hopeless. I feel like I wish things were different, and those are all grieving experiences.

So, it just may be that you're grieving and feeling a sense of hopelessness for so many people around you, so celebrating feels uncomfortable.

Maybe you just give yourself a chance to celebrate yourself and where you are and gratitude for whatever is going well. What that does is it allows you to continue to support others and raise the consciousness of our planet so that we're not all drowning in the ocean of despair at the same time.

So when you're full, you have more to give to others, and when you're feeling depleted, don't be afraid to ask for help from those of us who are feeling okay.

Wherever you are in that spectrum, allow it to be okay, give yourself a big hug and just keep doing the next right thing.

Kindness to yourself. Kindness to others always.

Please feel free to share in the notes if you have anything else that you want support around.

Hey there!

Today the question that came in was, “How do we support our friends who are going through hard times even though we're far apart? And what do we say?”

Here is how I do it:

When sending via, text message, a private message via messenger, or email, you can say,  “I heard about (whatever it was that happened), and I just want you to know I'm thinking about you.  I would love to support you.”

Offer them a time. “Are you available today or tomorrow?” Then rather than ask them what time works, offer them a mode of communication (FaceTime, Zoom, phone call) and few times that you are available and let them choose.  This facilitates the meeting and makes it so they only have to decide between 2-3 slots, rather than their whole schedule.

You can also offer this; “If you’d like to postpone and have me check-in in a week, please let me know.  That’s ok too. I just want to be here for you. 

When communicating, here are a few things you can say:

• “I am sending you a big hug.”

• “I wish that I could be there for you physically.”

• “This is so hard that we can't be together (or that I can't support you in physical presence.)”

If they don't respond, give them a day or two. You can then write back, “Hey, just checking in. Thinking about you. I'm sure you're busy, I'd love to be supportive/I'd love to be there for you/Please tell me if there's a way that I can support you.” 

Again, give them some options. When people are going through hard times, it's always better to give them a couple options. 

When they say, “Yes, I’d like to talk,” here is what you say:

• “I'm so thankful for taking the time to talk to me, I know that this is a crazy time.

• “What's going on?” “What happened?” 

If you don't know what happened yet, or if you want to hear from their mouth, you can say so. And if they are going to be upset or they're going to cry just know that's okay.   

You don't have to take that on. You're not creating it; they're already feeling those feelings, and you're just giving them a safe space for them to be heard.

After you ask, “What's going on? What happened?” all while being caring, curios, confidential, and without judgment, you say: 

• “Thank you so much for sharing.” (A gratitude) 

• “That totally makes sense that you're feeling the feelings you’re having.” (Validating and acknowledging the feelings they’re having). 

• “I can't imagine what that's like; thank you so much for sharing that with me.” (No two experiences are the same!)   

• “Letting you know that I am here.” 

• “Your feelings are valid and what you're saying makes sense.” (Acknowledging).

I always end with: “Thank you for sharing that with me.”  What this says is that I am a safe place and I appreciate that they feel safe enough to tell me whatever's going on.

If they cry, or they're sad, or they're mad, I just listen. I acknowledge. I don’t try to fix it. To acknowledge and validate you can say, “It's okay to be sad. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be mad. It's okay to be frustrated. It's okay to cry. It’s ok to feel whatever you’re feeling right now.”

Our goal as supportive friends is to normalize the other person's experience.

In summary:

• Reach out.

• Ask for specific times and days that we can support that person.   Get on the phone, FaceTime, Zoom,  etc.

• Ask them, “What's going on? What's happened? Do you want to share some more details with me?” Say, “I'm here to listen.”

• They tell you what is going on.

• You say, “Thank you for sharing. That makes sense. Your feelings are valid.” (You normalize their experience.)

• End with gratitude.

• Ask, “Would it be helpful if we checked in again in a week?” Say, “I'd love to know how you're doing and love to check in on you.”

• End in a virtual hug (and give yourself a big self-hug!)

• Remember to reach out again by putting it on your calendar

These are my suggestions for helping support a friend who's far away!  Stay safe, healthy, and sane.

Get your FREE copy of The Compassion Code Starter Guide by clicking here.

Hi there!

Today I would like to talk about how and why self-care is a major part of your health-care.

This is an important message because, during these crazy times of COVID-19, it is all too easy to let our self-care get away from us.

Whether you are an essential worker, part of the front lines, at home taking care of family members, children, other friends, or anyone else, this message is particularly important for you.  

Self-care is inclusive of anything that helps your mental, emotional and physical well-being.  The idea is that you take care of yourself so you can have more to give others. 

Here are three self-care techniques that can be utilized during current times and beyond:

Journaling

Journaling is a great way for you to let it all out. The point is to be able to get your feelings and thoughts out on paper and then let them go.    

It is a healthy place to vent what you need to vent and also bring awareness to gratitude as well. I encourage you to keep it in a safe place or throw it away if it won’t serve you moving forward.

Time is not an excuse! If you think you don’t have time, take your journal and something to write with to the restroom and find a few short minutes for yourself.  

The “Brain Dump”

Another great exercise, especially if you're feeling overwhelmed, is to do what we call a ‘brain dump.’ 

What this means is to literally write down on paper all the things you have to do.  Sometimes overwhelm happens because it is too hard to keep all our ideas in our heads.

Write down all the things you are trying to remember.  Make a personal category and a professional category and write everything down you have to do, is pending, or are trying to remember.  If you’d like, you can then categorize them into today, this week, and the future.    

As you complete your tasks, check them off and it will give you a sense of accomplishment.  

Remember to try to be realistic with yourself.  If you can't get to everything today, that's ok.  It is important to be compassionate with yourself and your goals. And relate kindly to yourself even when it feels like you fell short.

The “Vent/Gratitude”

The “Vent/Gratitude” is the idea of finding a safe person (somebody who's not judgmental, who will hold what you say to be confidential, and somebody who is willing to follow instructions).

Here is how you do it: 

• Put two minutes on a timer. 

• Vent out everything negative you need to say about what is going on in your life.

• Your partner will not talk while you are talking!

• When you are done, your partner will then ONLY say to you, “Thank you for sharing.” They will not try to fix anything, give advice to you, etc.  Only say, “Thank you.”

Next:

• Reset the timer and spend two minutes focusing only on your gratitudes.  

• Your partner will then say, “Thank you for sharing.”

• Ask if a hug would be ok, and if so, give each other a virtual or in-person hug. 

Finally, feel free to switch roles.  Your partner can tell you their vents and then gratitudes if they wish to.

Remember, self-care is for your health-care!  It is my pleasure to offer these tips and tricks during these unprecedented times of COVID-19.

Sending you a big virtual hug.  Please stay healthy and safe, be kind to yourself and others whenever possible, and I will see you online soon.

For more information, check out my Masterclass, Compassionate Communication 101: 5 Shifts to Confidently Navigate Change and Challenge with Ease.

Hi there!

In today’s video, I will share why this international pandemic could potentially be the doorway for growth. We will also revisit the idea of how COVID-19 is a grieving experience, and how grief is an opportunity for reflection, rediscovery, and reprioritization in our lives. 

Post-traumatic growth is an age-old philosophy that talks about how we experience growth through suffering. Therefore, post-traumatic growth is about how we experience a challenge or a change in life and how it creates an opportunity for growth.

This reprioritization allows us to grow through our suffering if we allow ourselves to be in a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset.

Post-traumatic growth is an opportunity to transform through a grieving experience. Evidence to look for in your life to see if you're experiencing post-traumatic growth is: 

1. A new appreciation for life

2. A changed sense of priorities 

3. A warmer more intimate relationship. 

4. A greater sense of personal strength. 

5. Recognition of new possibilities. 

It doesn't diminish any of the grief that you're having, as grief is the conflicting feelings that come when things change. It is saying that this experience that we're all going through right now, while challenging, devastating, hard, and even heartbreaking, is also an opportunity for us to grow, transform, and create a new beginning that we maybe never thought was possible.

“Just as the ground after the fire is the most fertile place for growth, your life after loss has the potential for a new beginning that you never even knew was possible.”

Remember to give yourself kindness and love. Encourage yourself to find ways to look at your life with an open mind about new opportunities and possibilities. Find ways to appreciate your relationships and have deeper connections. Find ways to have a greater sense of personal strength, and give yourself a pat on the back for all the ways in which you are tackling some of the hardships that are coming your way. Also, be compassionate with yourself when you don't do it the way that you wish you would have.

Wishing you the best in these trying times and sending you lots of love.

For more information, check out my Masterclass, Compassionate Communication 101: 5 Shifts to Confidently Navigate Change and Challenge with Ease.

Hey guys!

In this video, I get into how grief exists in all the changes we experience in life and that what you are feeling when things change is normal.

According to the Grief Recovery Institute, grief is the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior. Therefore grief is in all changes that we experience as humans.

With the Coronavirus, the stay at home orders, and all the big changes that come with work, socializing, and life in general not to mention all of the grieving experiences that are related to traditional grieving experiences, just know that it's okay to grieve.

A few of the most important things that we have to remember in order to have compassion for ourselves during this challenging time is that:

1. It is ok to grieve (all losses not just death.)

2. Your feelings are legitimate, yours and yours alone. They are normal and they are natural.

3. Remember to acknowledge and validate yourself and others.

4. Whatever you're experiencing is ok!

5. You don't have to compare yourself to others. Comparing leads to isolation.

6. Try not to diminish other's feelings or experiences as well.

7. Relate kindly to yourself.

8. Know your audience and know who can support you!

To learn more, watch our brand new Masterclass: Compassionate Communication 101: 5 Shifts to Confidently Navigate Change and Challenge with Ease.

Hi there!

In this video blog, I speak about the importance of redefining 'selfish' and taking care of yourself so you can give more to others. If we don't fill ourselves up first, we don't nourish ourselves or take proper care of ourselves, we become depleted, exhausted, and we have nothing left to give others, including our friends and family.

Instead of thinking of it as being selfish to put yourself first, instead, consider it as nourishing yourself so you have more to give. If we don't take care of ourselves we can't be any good to anyone else!

We need a strong foundation for our partnership, colleagues, family, children or whoever else it is that you support or serve in your life.

Please let me know what you think in the comments!

For more support, check out our Masterclass: Compassionate Communication 101: 5 Shifts to Confidently Navigate Change and Challenge with Ease. Register here!

Hello everyone!

Today I’ll speak about our current lives during COVID-19 and our reaction as a society as it pertains to grief and what to do about it.

According to The Grief Recovery Institute, the definition for grief is, “the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.” It is the conflicting feelings that come when things change.

Therefore, the loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations when life is put on pause during COVID-19 is a form of grief as things in our lives change (as well as all of the traditional experiences that we already consider grief.)

So what are we going to do about it?

Having compassion for ourselves and others means relating kindly to ourselves and others during times of suffering and challenge.

Whether the changes in your life are big or small, there's no need to compare yourself to anyone else. Know you're not alone in this. Relate kindly to yourself. Feel your feelings. Practice safe listening.

A way to practice safe listening is by using a method we use in The Compassion Code Academy called, "Vent/Gratitude."

Check out my video for the full breakdown :)

To learn more, register for our just released Masterclass: Compassionate Communication 101: 5 Shifts to Confidently Navigate Change and Challenge with Ease.

Good morning everyone!

This week I was a guest blogger on Career Charters and I had the pleasure to write a blog explaining why grieving a career change is not only normal, but OK, and how we can move forward in a healthy way.

Here's a sneak preview:

We often associate grief with a significant loss such as the death of a loved one, but grief can arise with any change we experience in our life. According to the Grief Recovery Institute, grief is “the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior,” and it is also “the loss of hopes, dreams, or expectations.”

As we are confronted with the realities of coronavirus, these last few weeks have been full of lost hopes, dreams and expectations in the form of cancellations, closures, and tremendous change and uncertainty. This has resulted in a collective grieving experience throughout society. Our careers are one place where many people are feeling these intense changes, as much of our identity is often wrapped up in what we do for a living. Before I share examples of work-related grieving experiences and how to cope in a healthy way, I want you to know that it’s okay to grieve the loss and uncertainty you are experiencing, no matter how big or small.  

To read more, click here:

https://www.careercharters.com/blog/2020/4/4/grieving-a-career-change-and-how-to-move-forward

For more support, check out our Masterclass: Compassionate Communication 101: 5 Shifts to Confidently Navigate Change and Challenge with Ease. Register here.

Compassion means relating kindly to yourself and others during times of suffering. When we compare and despair no one wins... it only causes more isolation and disconnection. Instead, we acknowledge that each person’s experience is valid and unique, and yet each person’s feelings are valid and universal.

It’s okay to grieve all the losses, no matter how big or small... because grief is “the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior”... and also “the loss of hopes, dreams, or expectations,” according to The Grief Recovery Institute.

Without judgment, what are you grieving?

Thank you Mindy Lewis Deane for making me this image. Visit www.laurajack.com for blogs and others support!

Interested in learning more? Watch my webinar, Compassionate Communication 101, here.

I was on a call yesterday with a client who asked, “How do we stay connected and show we care even when we can’t give hugs or grab a coffee?”

Since I have been doing deep, emotionally connected work online, as well as maintaining long-distance relationships with family and friends for a long time, I thought I would share some of my favorite ways to stay connected during this time of social distancing.

Here are a few tips for virtual connecting:

1. Invite people to video chat. Use video chat in lieu of audio calls whenever possible, as many of our social cues come from body language. Thus, even when we are apart, being able to see each other helps us feel like we are together.

2. Share your surroundings when chatting. Give a virtual tour, turn the camera around and let the other person see your family (with permission), your space, or anything else you want to share. It’s like a mini show-and-tell. This really helps us feel like we’re actually together.

3. Don’t let the way you look or the tidiness of your space get in the way of you connecting. People love seeing the ‘real’ you.

4. Give yourself the hug you need. Here’s how I do it with clients: after someone shares, I say something like, “I wish I could give you a hug right now.” I ask if they would be open to a virtual hug. If the answer is yes, I direct them to take their hands and wrap them across their chest on opposite arms and give themselves a squeeze. I share that I will do the same, and then with our eyes closed, we envision giving each other a hug. *This can be adapted for your personal relationships too!

5. Hug your computer screen. This one is a bit silly and almost always gets a laugh. Yet, I have also received feedback from clients and friends that they really felt my love at that moment.

6. Show your love through your body language. What this can look like is putting your hands on your heart or giving an air-high-five. These are visible ways to say, “I feel you,” or “you are awesome.”

7. Words of affirmation are golden. The beauty of words of affirmation is that they work in person or virtually. Saying things you love about someone else or what you are grateful for can be another way to connect during this tender time.

8. Take deep breaths together. Do you know how yawning can be contagious? Well, breathing together can help us feel connected even when we are far apart.

9. Use a group video platform to play games, eat dinner, have a drink, or even watch a movie. Even if it seems silly, sometimes being silly feels good.

10. Use things like Marco Polo, Voxer, Facebook Chats, WhatsApp, or just plain text to share photos, videos, funny memes, or just loving words to let people know you are thinking of them.

One of the gifts of an otherwise uncertain, confusing time is that we are being invited to slow down, be authentic, and connect in creative ways. So, be safe and healthy, and let’s use this time of physical distance as an opportunity to reach out to the people you love virtually (even if it feels weird;).

If you want more tips on how to navigate change and challenge with ease, visit www.laurajack.com.

Interested in learning more? Watch my webinar, Compassionate Communication 101, here.

I am not sure about you, but these last weeks have been very strange to say the least. It feels like things are changing at a million miles per minute.

With all of this change comes tremendous uncertainty, which in and of itself is a grieving experience.

Why?

It isn't just due to illness or death; it is because grief, according to The Grief Recovery Institute, “is the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior." It is also "a loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations."

So when we think about all the cancellations, all the changes, all of the things that we don't get to do, all the places we don't get to go, the school closures, the encouraged social distancing, the mandatory shut down of business operations, not to mention the fear and threat to our health and wellness, it is understandable that we are grieving.

While what each of us is experiencing in our daily lives is unique, what remains the same and universally true are the wide range of feelings we are all having….confusion, overwhelm, anxiety, fear, discomfort, disappointment, uncertainty, gratitude, relief, curiosity, worry, loneliness, regret, determination, and the list goes on.

The thing I most want to share is that whatever you're feeling, it is normal.

It is also important that we acknowledge all of our feelings and give them a voice -- preferably with a safe, non-judgmental listening ear. Someone who isn't trying to fix you, but rather can just say “Yes, that makes sense, and it's okay to feel how you feel. You aren't crazy, and if you are, so are we all.”

Part of why social distancing is difficult in such a confusing, uncertain, and rapidly changing time is because this is a time when we need connection most. According to Harvard Positive Psychologist and author of The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor, connection is the number one indicator for happiness. Fear and stress on the other hand, not so much. They're actually more indicative of weakened immune systems, something that doesn't help any of us right now.

So what can we do? How can we be kind to ourselves and others particularly as we navigate these times of change and challenge? We can start by being compassionate to ourselves and each other. Here are some ideas for how:

1. We can check-in and see how each other are doing. Share photos, funny memes, anything to connect and brighten each other's days.

2. We can breathe and take good care of ourselves so that we can be helpful to others if need be. (So many gyms, yoga studios, meditation teachers are offering online classes.)

3. We can use this time as a time of reflection and reprioritization about what matters most... crisis is good for that.

4. We can tell people we love them and care about them, because you never know, and it is better to say all the things.

5. We can be kind and considerate of one another. Wash our hands, do our part, smile at people, say hello, acknowledge that we are all in this together.

6. We can allow ourselves and others to have all the feelings, avoid criticizing people as much as possible and give ourselves and others the benefit of the doubt. Remember tensions are high right now, and likely someone else's flare-up is not about you.

7. We can say thank you to all the people who are going to work in order to help keep our lives as normal, safe, and healthy as possible.

8. We can remember that being a leader is not always easy. So whether it is you, your state representative, your city manager, your boss, or anyone else who's making hard decisions, know that they're likely trying to do their best with the information they have, and we are all human beings just trying to figure it out.

While we don’t always get to choose what happens, we do get to choose how we respond. Let’s choose compassion, starting with compassion for ourselves. Then, and only then, can we give compassionately to others.

May the bumpy road ahead be a growth-filled opportunity and a recognition of our common humanity.

For more on confidently navigating change and challenge with compassion and ease, visit www.laurajack.com or watch my webinar, Compassionate Communication 101.