Mother's Day, like all holidays, can bring a mixture of emotions. While we all technically have a mother, what happens after birth varies greatly.I had no idea how challenging Mother's Day could be until my mom died because most of my life it was just a day where our family did something nice for our mom.

Since her death and after working with many men and women who have complicated and non-existent relationships with their mothers, I realize how much emotion this holiday can bring.As we say in Grief Recovery, unresolved grief comes from the things we wish were "different, better, or more... or a loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations.

"Whether your mother is living or dead, available or unavailable, distant or over-bearing, there are always things we wish were different, better, or more. For example, I wish that my mom hadn't died so young. I wish that my mom were here to be a grandmother. I wish my mom could be here to witness her babies being parents. I wish I could tell her I love her one more time. I wish I could tell her how much more I appreciate her now that I am a mom.

The other piece of this is around motherhood. Mother's Day also brings up feelings for women who want or wanted to be mothers but could not, ​who were mothers but who lost their children, or for mothers whose children are no longer in their lives.

Relationships are complicated, particularly with the women who bring us into this world and/or raise us.If you know a mother, yours or someone else's, who you think is doing a great job, let them know. If you are a mother, be kind to yourself, as it seems to be the hardest job in the world.

Whether this day is a celebration or a challenge, be compassionate to yourself and others, as everyone has a story and no relationship is perfect. 

What do you wish were different, better, or more with your mom?

What hopes, dreams and expectations did you or do you have that haven't or won't ever be met?

If you want to explore these feelings visit www.laurajack.com or get my free Compassion Code Starter Guide here to learn more about how to say the right thing when the wrong thing happens.

It may seem strange to hear and it is even a bit strange to say, but I have this deep knowing that my mom's death was a gift to me.

While her death was the most heart-breaking experience of my life, as I reflect back over the last 13 years.... I feel a deep sense of gratitude.

Because I love my life now... it is easier for me to have gratitude for the painful experiences I now see as wisdom markers.

My mom's sudden and tragic death awakened me to the fragile and precious nature of life. It woke me up to living on purpose and fully present.

As I do work to help others heal, grow and transform their pain into purpose through self-compassion, I feel like her death was not in vain -- but rather the birth of my purpose and her legacy.

She was extraordinary in her life as a mom, wife, friend, sister and daughter, but who she continues to be in her death goes beyond titles or roles...

Her death was one of her greatest gifts and sacrifices... an act of service... because now, those of us who love and loved her get to continue sharing the gifts of her life.

Now, through years of healing, growth, transformation and education, here are some of the gifts I get to share from her death.

I GET to serve others whose hearts were broken OPEN by loss, but who have decided that they want to thrive and live a life on purpose in service to others.

I wrote The Compassion Code, How to say the right thing when the wrong thing happens. Without my own heart-ache, the reactions of others, and then years of helping grievers, I would not have been able to write that book because before she died... I had NO IDEA.

I wouldn't have built The Compassion Code Academy to help healers and heart-centered professionals with communication and leadership skills rooted in the value of self-compassion first through the lens of grief.

And I definitely wouldn't be training Compassion Coaches through our Compassion Coach Training (more on this later).

What are some of the gifts of your grief?

If you don't know yet, it may be time to embark on your own healing journey. If you are still sitting in the pain of your loss, and you aren't ready yet...that's OKAY.

And, when you are ready to leave the cocoon and transform into a butterfly, my team and I are here.

If you are ready to embark on that journey, the first step is to watch my free training: 4 Shifts to Move Beyond The Pain of Loss So You Can Rediscover Meaning, Purpose, and Growth In Your Life  the cliff’s notes of everything I have learned in the last decade + 

"In my own worst seasons I've come back from the colorless world of despair by forcing myself to look hard, for a long time, at a single glorious thing: a flame of red geranium outside my bedroom window. And then another: my daughter in a yellow dress. And another: the perfect outline of a full, dark sphere behind the crescent moon. Until I learned to be in love with my life again. Like a stroke victim retraining new parts of the brain to grasp lost skills, I have taught myself joy, over and over again." -Barbara Kingsolver, b. 1955

When I read this quote it felt so familiar to me. It reminded me of a time when I was unsure if I would ever feel like "me" again. I was worried that I would never smile... never laugh ... that I would never give a compliment again because I felt empty... that I would never love life again. It felt so permanent. While I was able to go through the motions, get by day to day, I was but a shadow of my former self.

Have you ever felt this way?

For me, it was the sudden, tragic death of my mom that took the wind out of my sails (but grief can really be from any loss or life transition).

And like all great stories, after a period of deep grief, I had a decision to make. Would I let my mom's death be the end of me and my light OR would I CHOOSE LIFE?

I was determined to do whatever it took for me to find joy again. I took my healing and recovery very seriously... like my life depended on it -- because it did.

Rediscovering my light again took me 7 years of continuous investment in support, guidance, training, coaching, education, and mentorship.

Like I said, I was determined, and I was not willing to let anything stand in my way. I remember saying, If I am part of my mom's legacy (and I am gonna be here on Earth) I WILL MAKE IT COUNT.

And I have.

And you can too! I don't want it to take as long for you and I want to share what I learned. I would be honored to show you the way.

If you just got here, I hope I can be a reminder to you that thriving in your life after loss is possible.

As my mentor Russell Friedman said, "You are not broken, you are broken-hearted."
And the good new is, broken hearts can heal with the right support, guidance, love, and action.

If you want to live like you mean it, rediscover who you want to be in this next chapter of your life, and even CHOOSE thriving rather than just surviving, I want to invite you to watch my FREE training : 4 Shifts to Move Beyond the Pain and Rediscover Meaning, Purpose, and Growth in Your Life. It is basically an accumulation of 14 years of knowledge and experience summed up in one FREE 40 minute training.

Not only have I rediscovered my light after loss, I have literally helped over 1000 grievers and trained nearly 1000 grief professionals. Just so you know, loving life after loss does NOT mean you’ll never be sad again. It means that you are able to embrace all of your emotions and find your way back to center whenever you want.

If you are wondering what it takes, all you need in order to heal is to DECIDE that NOW is your time and that you are willing to dedicate yourself to your healing.

Is there something holding you back from being your best, highest self? Having the greatest impact? Making the most money?

Does it feel like you are close, but something is getting in the way of you stepping up as the greatest iteration of yourself? Do you long to be a thought leader, a voice of healing, a guide and helper to many?

Do you wish you knew what was getting in the way of you and your success?

Maybe there are other people in your industry who are not as skilled, but they are having more tangible success, and you are left wondering is MORE possible? Will I be stuck here? What are my obstacles?

What is keeping me from being the success story that I know deep down I am?
This was my story.

I was always really grateful, and I could always justify why what I had was enough, more than enough. I even shoulded myself, "Laura, you SHOULD feel grateful."

What I was denying myself was MORE impact. More connection. More love. More visibility. More money.

All the other stuff --- just symptoms.
Symptoms of doubt around my own enoughness and worthiness.

It all started with acknowledging and healing the deep emotional wounds from my early years.
Did you know that 70% of our beliefs are formed by the time we are 5 years old?
So if we want our inner child to stop driving the car of our life -- we have to make new choices.

We have to be able to look back at the past with deep respect and acknowledgement that our pain, challenges, heartaches, rejections, disappointments were all just wisdom markers on our journey of life.

These wisdom markers are what allow us to help others... they are what help us grow wiser not just older.

Knowledge plus experience and the willingness to grow through our feelings is wisdom.
Wisdom is what gives us the ability to support others. It is what gives us the ability to create a more beautiful world.

However, "wisdom" can also be seen as suffering.
Suffering that has been processed as grief is what leads to wisdom.

However, suffering unprocessed is misery.

Rising above pain and heartache to live a life of joy and service is a CHOICE that we get to make EACH Day. For me, being a coach and an entrepreneur with a mission is a journey with a VOW to continuous development on a soul level.
NO AVOIDING.
It can hurt. It can be hard. It is not for the faint of heart.

However, the gift is the greatest EXPANSION of the human experience.
It is like dancing with angels in the stars.

This vow to continuous growth is the opposite of empty.
It is pure presence.
And it is YOURS if you choose to say yes.

It will not be easy, but it is worth it.

Do you want to dance with joy?
Live at a vibration so high that even pain and heartache are seen as wisdom.

It hurts AND you give thanks for the wisdom markers, the growth.

Thank each soul for the lessons they teach you.
Thank your soul family for reminding you what it feels like breathe easily, freely and completely.

The ones who hurt you are also part of your team. They teach you where you can still grow.

Your time here on Earth is purely to grow.

Do you want to play the game of growth or suffering?

Or better yet, GROWTH THROUGH SUFFERING.

Sometimes, you tap into the memory of your highest self -- your connection to something greater... and then back to being human.

Both are valuable.

Let's elevate the consciousness of the planet. Let's grow together.

Let me be your guide.
I will take your hand-- blow off the dust of societal programming and help you REMEMBER your essence... STEP INTO YOUR GREATNESS.

Your loss was your AWAKENING. Let's not let it be in vain.

Let's elevate. We need you.

Loving life is possible. Having an impact is possible. Sharing your gifts with the world is possible. It is all yours.

It starts with saying yes to yourself.

If you are ready to say yes to living your authentic truth and then sharing your love, compassion, and gifts with the world:

1. Watch our free training HERE: Compassionate Communication 101 to gain a deeper understanding of why compassion must start with you.

2. Watch our free training HERE: 4 Shifts for Moving Beyond the Pain of Loss So You Can Rediscover Meaning, Purpose, and Growth in Your Life

3. Get my book HERE: The Compassion Code: How to say the right thing when the wrong thing happens.

4. Join our free community HERE: Living The Compassion Code

Do you get to Friday and just want to check out?  Do you wish you knew how to feel refreshed even when you are feeling so depleted? Have you gotten complacent, but you really want to feel excited?

If you consider yourself a compassionate, heart-center person who tends to be low on the priority list when it come to what YOU need and want, I want to let you know that you aren't alone.

And the good news is that I have the answer for you.... but you may not like it. 

The truth is that the fastest path to burnout, depletion and disconnection comes from over-giving to others while being stingy and mean to yourself.

The solution to your burnout, disconnection and depletion is... 
Drum roll please... FIERCE SELF-COMPASSION.
 
Fierce compassion means you are as kind, gentle, and generous with yourself as you are to others.
It means finding the balance between firm and kind.
It means loving boundaries for yourself so that you can give from full.

The key to longevity and joy as a heart-centered leader is fierce compassion that starts with you.

As one of my amazing heart-centered clients said, "A better ministry starts with a better me."
And in my opinion that is true in any compassionate leadership role. 

If you are realizing that you are a heart-centered person who is depleted on the road to burnout (or already there) and you want to know how to begin to have FIERCE COMPASSION for yourself watch our free training HERE— Compassionate Communication 101: 5 Shifts Heart-Centered Leaders Use to Overcome Compassion Fatigue, Reignite Their Purpose, and Serve at Their Highest Level.

To being fiercely compassionate starting with yourself,

Laura Jack

Where are you on the Bell Curve? It can differ personally vs professionally. Learn more in my book: The Compassion Code.

Sometimes it feels like the world is falling apart… and then total strangers let you bathe your kids at their house. 

The thing about crisis is that it brings out both the best and the worst in people.

As you probably saw, Austin and much of central Texas were hit hard this past week. The snow and ice, sustained sub-freezing temperatures, power outages, food shortages, burst pipes, boil notice, not to mention all of this on top of an already unprecedented time with COVID… really pushed many to a breaking point. 

My heart goes out to all who are suffering. While I recognize that there is always a crisis somewhere at any given time, if this one feels dear to your heart, and you want to know how to contribute, this Instagram post offers many opportunities to help.  

Now that the weather has warmed, our power has returned, and we are back in our home, I wanted to share some of the lessons I have learned in the last 10 very intense days. 

1. You can’t give what you don’t have. When we are in survival mode, our ability to give is highly impaired. In life, as in crisis, it is imperative to fill ourselves up first so that we have more to give to others.

2. A little bit of kindness goes a long way. So many people reached out to check in on us this past week, and we felt soooo loved. Those who were able to give us shelter, water, and companionship… were truly a lifeline. Strangers became friends. Friends became family.

3. Feelings can and do co-exist. It is okay and normal to feel frustrated, scared, overwhelmed, uncertain, angry, or sad. This doesn’t mean you can’t also feel grateful, humbled, relieved, hopeful, safe, or loving.

4. Consider your reason for comparing. Comparing can sound like “I shouldn’t feel bad because someone else has it worse…” This sentiment typically isn’t helpful, as it diminishes your experience. Your suffering doesn’t have to take anything away from someone else’s suffering. However, if you are comparing as an opportunity to feel grateful and have perspective, that can be helpful (as long as you aren’t saying it to the other person).

5. Yes AND is more helpful than yes BUT… (just try it).

6. Self-compassion is key. Relating kindly to yourself and giving yourself permission to have your experience without judgment, but rather with curiosity, is a primary ingredient to getting through crisis and life.   

7. Sometimes it takes extreme circumstances to remember who we really are. When the pipes burst in the house where we were staying with our friends/neighbors, I was able to dig deep and manage the situation with the adventurous spirit of my early 20’s. I thought to myself, “I’m still in there.”

8. Surviving is good enough until it isn’t. Once you are out of survival mode, then and only then, do you have an opportunity to choose thriving. Thriving doesn’t mean you won’t feel the full range of feelings, it means that when desired you can find your way back to center. 

What are some of the lessons you've learned from a challenge you faced (this week or literally at any point in the last year)?  

And, if you are still in a tough spot, it’s okay to not know what your lessons are yet. Be gentle with yourself in the meantime.

As Marianne Williamson may have said, “Teach from the resurrection, not from the crucifixion.”

To growth through suffering,

Laura Jack

If you need a little support to turn pain into purpose, feel free to watch my free training here.

As I reflect on the 13 years since my mom died, I realize that as I connect more and more deeply to who I am at a soul-level, the more I realize that my mom is with me.

Yesterday was the anniversary of her death; a day of honor and remembrance, a day where I take time to have gratitude for all she taught me in life… and the many more lessons she continues teaching me in death.

As I reflected about what I would say to her… I realized that her response would be but an echo of my own thoughts and feelings.

Thank you... and she would say, "thank you."

I love you... and she would say, "I love you."

I miss you... and she would say, "I miss you."

Some of the greatest gifts and lessons I have received these 13 years are:

• The gift of listening inward and trusting my intuition, as I can no longer rely on my mom as my sounding board... so I became my own high council.

• The willingness and ability to let my emotions pass through me rather than suppressing them or pretending I am fine. Then recognizing how much more free I am without those stuck emotions.

• The best job for my mind when it comes to my grief is to be but a witnesses. It acknowledges and validates my experience and my humanity with compassion but without making me bad or wrong.

• The pride I had in my mom comes from many of the values we share. We value family, service, justice, education, kindness, humor, generosity, and love. I know like an echo that she would say, "I am proud of you" just as I am so proud of her and the legacy she has left.

• The mixture of feelings I have is inevitable and can be especially grand during birthdays, anniversaries and other momentous times. And while it can feel scary when I feel them coming -- when I allow them, invite them, and let them wash over me, it can be cleansing and freeing rather than murky and stifling.

Yesterday, as I honored the death of my mother, I found myself grateful for her and for my response to her death. 

Grief is what makes us human, and how we respond is what determines the quality of our lives.

I am grateful for the courage I have had:

To face the feelings, all of them, even the hard ones. 

To sit in the shadows of my mind, heart and soul.  

To rebuild myself from the ashes that I crumbled into after her death.

I wish I could help every broken heart heal, and I wish I could walk beside every grieving daughter, mother, sister, husband, friend... so they too would know that they are not alone.

Grief is one of the most painful and yet potentially transformational experiences in life. One that most of us would never wish for, but when forced upon us, we have the opportunity to choose growth through suffering as I have.

Thank you for honoring my truth, my journey, my love for my mother ...

And may you be inspired to embark on your own journey from surviving to thriving... feeling hopeful that it is possible.

If you or someone you love is hurting from a broken heart, and you want to choose GROWTH but don't know how, please watch and share my most recent training: 4 Shifts to Move Beyond the Pain of Loss and Rediscover Meaning, Purpose, and Growth in Your Life. 

It is an accumulation of all I have learned and experienced over the last 13 years, boiled down into 40 minutes of education, inspiration, and practical application. 

If you aren't already, join us in Living The Compassion Code, our free Facebook community to build connections during an isolated time.

To the opportunity for choice and the inevitability of transformation.

Do you ever feel guilty that you don't feel chipper and cheerful this time of year? Perhaps you think to yourself, "I have so much to be grateful for, so why do I feel ______ (fill in the blank with literally any other feeling)?"

I just want you to know that no matter how much personal growth you have done or how good you feel in your life, the holidays can be trying, tense, and emotional. I tell you this not to try to fix the pain or tension, but rather to remind you that you are normal. 

Why are the holidays challenging?

Being out of routine in different environments with family (or not), having holiday traditions that are/aren't happening, or missing a loved one who lost, can all bring awareness to how life has changed, how you have changed, and a whole lot of feelings.

Perhaps there is a loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations or there are things you hoped would be different, better or more.

Guess what? You are GRIEVING.  

At the Grief Recovery Institute, grief is defined as "the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior." 

This year has been the epitome of GRIEF, and generally speaking, we (as a society) have not been taught how to deal with these feelings in a healthy way.

Whether you realize it or not, most of us do a whole lot of, "what's wrong with me?" "Why am I not ________... " that you thought you "should" be at this point.  "If only I had...."

These are just a few of the self critical, internal judgments that so many people have going on inside (particularly during this transitional time). 

So what do we do about it? 

In order to have more peace and ease in this time of reflection, transition, and possibly tension, we must shift from self-judgment to self-compassion (relating kindly to yourself during the trying times of life).

The way to do this is with curiosity. Curiosity sounds like:

"Hmmm... I wonder why this is bothering me so much."

"Hmmm... I wonder what I am learning from the choices I have made?"

"Hmmm... I wonder if it is time to make new choices?

Being compassionate and curious also comes more easily when we give ourselves permission to have feelings. In other words not making feelings of sadness, frustration, disappointment, overwhelm, confusion, heartache, joy, or any other feeling bad or wrong.

If we allow ourselves to feel our feelings we can move through them more easily. 

*Hint: Having a compassionate listener who does not try to fix how you are feeling is helpful! All they have to say is "That makes sense." 

I have a challenge for you (if you choose to accept): As you embark on the year ahead, instead of judging yourself for who you have or haven't been or what you have or haven't done, what if you say, "I have learned a lot about myself this past year, and here is who I am being and what I am doing or choosing moving forward."

And remember, every day, every moment (not just the end of the year) is an opportunity to start again.

Alright! Wishing you a healthy and safe holiday season. Please know that I am a resource for you. 

If you need support to move from Isolation to Connection this season, register for my free training here.

If you aren't already, join us in Living The Compassion Code, our free Facebook community to build connections during an isolated time.

You may not like what I am about to say, but humor me for a minute...

What would it be like to embrace this holiday season as an opportunity to create new traditions?

Before you tell me all the reasons why this year has sucked, which I recognize that there is absolute truth in that as well, what would it be like to let go of that sucky-ness feeling for just a minute and ask yourself these questions:

• How has this year created opportunities for me to do things differently?

• How have I grown through the pain and challenges that this year presented?

• Who would I get to be if I let go of the idea that this year only SUCKED?

• What am I proud of myself for overcoming?

I deeply acknowledge that this year has been full of heartache and hardship. It has been full of so much grief, and as you may recall from my recent blog, I believe that grief must come before gratitude. 

What I am grateful for is the honest conversations about grief that are happening more and more. Grief, as is defined by the Grief Recovery Institute, is the "conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior." 

This year is GRIEF. It is the conflicting feelings. It is the change in the familiar. It is what we wish was different. Better. Or more. It is a loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations. 

The challenge is, we are taught to deny and repress all the things that we deem as "bad", rather than giving them a voice, accepting, embracing, and loving ourselves and each other through all of it. 

This year has also exposed a lot of UNRESOLVED grief that exists both individually and collectively, and it can be soooo painful. 

However, the worst thing we can do with unresolved grief and pain is to keep pretending that it doesn't exist. 

So what can you do this holiday season, that is full of conflicting feelings that come when things change?

Here is what I suggest: 

Step 1) Acknowledge (to a safe person who isn't going to deny your feelings or experience) and say, "gosh, I miss.... and it won't be the same without them this year." Or, "This holiday season feels so depressing/different/lonely/new... and I don't know what to do with all of that." "I am actually grateful that we don't have to drive/fly/go anywhere and that we can make our own new traditions (but I feel guilty saying that aloud."

Step 2) Validate and accept the feelings as okay. Sit with the feelings. Journal about the feelings. Share (again with a safe, non-judgemental listener). Feel the sensations in your body.

Step 3) Give yourself compassion for all the feelings. Recognize that while each of our experiences is unique, our feelings are UNIVERSAL. Be kind to yourself about the feelings you have, even the ones you may feel embarrassed, guilty, or ashamed about.... recognizing that if you feel them, someone else (and likely many, many others) do too! Look at yourself in the mirror and say some version of, "You are okay. You are not alone."

Step 4) Release it. Once you have properly felt it, shared it, written about it, honored it, and maybe even thanked the feelings... you can let them go. Letting go can be experienced in many ways. Through creative expressions like music, art, writing, or dance... you can release the feelings that have been stuck in your body. Meditation, massage, and movement can also be helpful. 

(If you need more support for ANY part of this process, especially step 4, reply to this email or schedule a Light After Loss Initial Consultation here)

Step 5) Decide what you would like to feel moving forward. "I want to feel... peace/love/connection/gratitude/lightness/etc." Then ask yourself, "What is my greatest fear if I allow myself to feel these feelings instead?"

Step 6) Create some new rituals. This does not mean you have to throw out the old ones forever... just give yourself permission to try on a new one without guilt. As we teach in the Grief Recovery world, "guilt is the intention to harm." 

Here are some options for new rituals: 

• Do something nice for yourself.

• Honor a loved one by doing something that honors their memory.

• Share fond memories with people who care about you.

• Do something nice for others.

Step 7) Remember, you are not alone! And perhaps for the first time in history, people are actually aware of how much grief there truly is all around us. You don't have to pretend to be "fine" if you aren't, and it may even give someone permission to be emotionally honest with you too. 

If you want to know how to do that without a vulnerability hangover (you know that feeling you get after you share and the other person looks at you like.... "ugh, I wish I knew what to say and now I feel soooo awkward) then check out my free webinar: 3 Steps to Move from Isolation to Connection After Losing Someone You Love to support yourself this holiday season.  

From my heart to yours as you navigate this holiday season.

What did you want to be when you grew up?

Take a moment... 

Really think about it. 

Get this, when I was a kid and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up…

I said, “ happy.”

For most of my life, I would say I was very happy.

And then my mom died. She was hit by a car in 2008 and killed instantly.

My heart was broken and my soul was crushed.

I honestly wasn't sure if I would ever feel happy again.

Interestingly, that soul-crushing loss of my most treasured advisor and best friend, led me on a journey to redefine happiness for myself... 

... for how I thought my life would look. 

One of the greatest lessons I learned was how precious and fragile life is...

And how everything can change in an instant.

What that understanding has done for me is it has allowed me to live with more presence.

Knowing that this could all be over tomorrow -- 

How do I want to spend my life? 

I decided that I wanted to spend my life growing. Growth has become the value I hold with highest esteem because what I have come to realize is that when we stop growing, learning, and loving... our soul dies. 

Therefore, when faced with challenges, there are only two options: 

Hide and wilt. 

Or...

Face it and grow. 

So now, as a grown up who has chosen growth and to LOVE life (even after loss), I am asking myself, am I what I wanted to be?

The answer is yes. 

While happiness isn't a fix state of being... like I may have hoped as a child, it is the way I experience life. For me it is about:

Growing through what you are going through.

Using pain as a marker for wisdom.

Finding joy in the everyday moments of life that makes us oh so human. 

Elevating the consciousness of the planet, starting with myself.

Helping other people find their love for life even after tremendous hardship or loss.

So now I will ask you, are you being what you wanted to be? 

Would the younger version of you be proud of you now?

I hope your answer is yes!

If it isn’t what you hoped, what got in the way?

What do you want instead? More joy, more connection, more fulfillment, more happiness?

If so, what is getting in the way of you having that now?

Here's a little existential Food For Thought.

These are the top five regrets of the dying from Bronnie Ware:

• "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."

• "I wish I hadn't worked so hard."

• "I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings."

• "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends."

• "I wish that I had let myself be happier."

So what will it be? What are you waiting for? What will it take for you to truly live?

Will you wait for it to get worse before you do something about it? Or will you take action now? 

Knowing that we only get one shot, I hope you say yes to you… because when you are thriving, everyone in your life benefits! 

Take a baby step to living life the way you hoped by watching my new training: 4 Shifts to Move Beyond the Pain and Rediscover Meaning, Purpose & Growth in Your Life. (Ultimately, how to love your life even after loss!)

You can also schedule a Light After Loss Initial Consultation if you are ready to say yes to living and loving your life after whatever life has thrown your way.

Last year I had this momentary thought, “What would it take for all of humanity to come together?” 

The immediate response I had was, “An alien invasion.” 

Ironically enough, fast forward only 5 months later and the Coronavirus, though small and invisible, appeared as the alien and the potential thing that would bring us together. 

With the idea of all of us doing our parts to flatten the curve, I felt hopeful. 

What I didn’t take into account was how challenging this would be on all of us and how the unfolding events of this year would become the culmination of so much grief and discomfort previously ignored, avoided, or pushed down (both personally and collectively). After all, as you may have learned by now, “grief is the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior,” according to the Grief Recovery Institute. 

So why wasn’t our collective response to the Coronavirus bringing us all together in the way I had imagined the alien invasion would? In part because we are all unique, our experiences are unique, and our perceptions are unique. I also believe it is because we still have work to do... to acknowledge our own feelings and experiences and how painful they are and have been.

Before we can have compassion for others, we must begin with compassion for ourselves.

So while each of us is unique and our experiences are unique ... our feelings are universal.

Even though we arrive at these feelings differently, the one truth we have in common is that we have all experienced some level of love, hate, anger, fear, disappointment, excitement, relief, devastation, heartache, overwhelm, embarrassment, shame, gratitude, and the list goes on.

After all, we are human, and THAT is what brings us together. Our common humanity is in our shared emotions. 

So while we are so divided right now, we are all having the Universal experience of having feelings. 

And when it comes to feelings, the best thing we can do is acknowledge them. After all, you have to feel in order to heal. 

When I was a little girl, my mom used to say, “no one can take away your feelings.” 

I share that sentiment with you today by reminding you that no matter your age or experience, YOU are allowed to have your feelings; AND yet, what you do with those feelings does matter and does impact the collective experience.

While you may not think of yourself as a leader, how you lead and model, whether that is for your children, your friends, your family, your neighborhood, your team or organization, or just how you think inside your own mind, does matter. 

So as we continue navigating this turbulent time, decide how we are each going to feel, and then choose to behave... I hope you will consider this:

Choose to lead and behave with love and kindness rather than fear. 

“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness (love) never decreases by being shared.” -Buddha 

Remember that fear is limited and limiting while love is abundant. There is enough for everyone. Enough love. Enough connection. Enough.

You are enough. And when you KNOW this fully… when you FEEL it at the core of your being, you can then be the light that shines on others and empowers others to be their best… not with attachment, but rather with the intention of elevating the whole. 

When we live with compassion, starting with self-compassion, we can shine brightly and warm those around us.

So when the world feels out of your control, remember the only part you can truly control: 

Your thoughts. Your feelings. Your actions.  

If you want to be a light of love when the world feels dark:

You can choose to move away from fearful thoughts and questions that may sound like:

“Everyone else is doing it wrong. What is wrong with them?”

“Why are other people so … (negative judgement)?” 

“Why don’t people see it my way?”

“Why don’t other people respect me?” 

“Why do they think I am … (negative judgement)?”

"It is all their fault that things are the way they are."

"If only others were more... "

The challenge with all of these thoughts is they come from a fear mindset, which means that ultimately there is a threat to love, safety or belonging. Fear and blame does not allow us to live with peace, connection, or love; it only creates more fear.

However, when we practice self-compassion and self-love, our thoughts shift and then our interactions with others also begin to shift to be more compassionate. When we choose love, curiosity, and compassion rather than fear, it can sound like:

“I am curious about other people’s beliefs.” 

“I wonder how I can grow and learn from others?”

“I appreciate and respect myself, AND I also respect and appreciate others.” 

“It is okay to have differing opinions from others and still love them.”

“I hope that with our powers combined we can find solutions that works for the whole.”

“I trust that I will continue to learn, grow and evolve”

“Even though I don’t know what the future holds, I am willing to be kind, curious, and compassionate with myself and others.”

Compassion and curiosity allow us to connect, to appreciate life, to experience peace, joy, and love.
So whatever today and the next few months bring, I strongly encourage you to remember: 

Our common humanity is in our shared emotions. We are all human.
So if that alien invasion ever comes, we will stand together as humans with LOVE & COMPASSION. 

And...maybe the aliens will have something to teach us too. :) 

If you aren't in there already, join our free FB group, Living The Compassion Code!

What do you want?

Such a simple question, and yet, how often do we ask it or are we asked?

What keeps us from asking or answering this question?

Everyone is unique, and yet in my experience people are often afraid to say what they want for fear of judgement:  internal, perceived, or even verbalized.

We asked ourselves questions like:

1) What if I don't get what I want?

2) What if I do get what I want?

3) What will people think of me if I get what I want?

4) What will people think of me if I don't?

5) Is it even possible?

6) Am I thinking too big?

7) Who am I to want this?

The answer is found in science.

There are three parts of our brains, and each part has a different set of instructions and descriptions about what keeps us well and safe.

First is our Brain Stem or “Reptilian Brain”. The reptilian brain is in charge of the physical: your heart rate, breathing, blood sugar – anything to do with keeping you alive. This part of you is in charge of your fight, flight, or freeze response, and it tells you don't stray from your current situation because even though it could be better, it is a perceived threat to your safety because it is “unknown.”

The Limbic System is in charge of generating emotions. It uses emotions to promote a sense of safety and well-being. These emotions drive us toward or away from experiences that affect love, safety and belonging.

And finally, the Cortex or “Human Brain”. The human brain deals with the logical, human, conscious mind. This is the part of us that justifies our choices and behaviors and makes meaning out of our feelings and experiences.

So how do we get what we want?

How do we choose change when change is so often deemed threatening? 

By getting a YES from all 3 parts of our brain.

The Brain Stem has to say it’s safe – it’s not a threat to survival. And we do that by taking calculated baby steps that prove to be safe and not a threat to our survival.

The Limbic System has to say it’s not a threat to love or belonging, and we do that by finding the right support who acknowledges, validates, and normalizes our experience and advocates for our growth. 

And the Cortex has to be so tickled by the idea that it is willing to override the safety mechanism that is simultaneously keeping you safe and also keeping you stuck.

So, let’s start back at the top. 

What do YOU want? 

There are at least 2 paths: 

1) Move toward happiness, pleasure, peace, joy, radiance

OR

2) Move away from pain, heartache, loneliness, isolation, discomfort

That being said, do you want to remove whatever blocks you have from experiencing happiness? Do you want to live fully and wake up more joyful each day? Do you want to help others? Do you want to feel closer in your relationships? Or do you just want to feel less pain or less numb?

Either way is perfectly fine, we are all wired and socialized differently, but knowing yourself and what motivates you is helpful. 

Education is a good baby step for growth and change because it allows us to learn without threat. 

So if you want more joy or less pain, particularly as it relates to your life after loss, please take your first baby step and watch my free training: 

4 Shifts for Moving Beyond the Pain of Loss So You Can Rediscover Meaning, Purpose, and Growth in Your Life. 

Here is the link: www.laurajack.com/4shifts

And even if you can’t show up live, you will get the replay in your inbox. 

As you will learn in the webinar, time alone does not heal; it is action (even tiny baby steps of action) within time!

Register to gain knowledge, understanding and hope for yourself or for people in your life who want to take the first step to move toward joy and away from pain. 

If you aren’t already, join us in Living The Compassion Code, our free Facebook community to build bridges rather than walls.