You may not know this, but I got to a point a few years ago where I felt really done with the grief work. I was sick of being "the grief girl." And yet, no matter what I did, people kept coming to me wanting support either in their grief or to support a loved one through their grief. 

One of my clients said to me, "I encouraged my dear friend to reach out to you. I told her that she could go it alone, but she would be better off with the Goddess of Grief by her side."

My eyes filled with tears, as I knew that my calling to support people to move beyond the pain of loss wasn't over, but rather the old me -- the me who fell into the pits of despair with others, the girl who had no boundaries, the wounded healer -- was the part that I was ready to move beyond. 

So here I am... stepping up as the Goddess of Grief and presenting to you my newest webinar: 4 Shifts for Moving Beyond the Pain of Loss and Rediscovering Meaning, Purpose and Growth in your Life.

What was so fun about creating this webinar was that it is a combination of years of experience, teaching, healing, motivation and inspiration all coming together in one place! I am so grateful for my team who also made it beautiful and seamless.

While you yourself may not have experienced painful loss or you may not have the desire to find meaning or purpose from your loss at this moment, we all know someone who will benefit from learning:

• What grief really is and how to handle (instead of hide) all the feelings

• What keeps us feeling stuck and what we can do to move beyond the pain

• What coping strategies we are using and whether they are helping us or distracting us

• And how to begin transforming heartache into purpose.

And that is precisely what I share in this webinar. 

Here is some of the feed back we have received:

One participant shared, "That webinar is perfect! Love all of it! The only thing I wish is that I could pause it to

review important concepts over and over again."

And guess what, when you get the replay, you can!!

Another said, "You weave together so many valuable concepts so eloquently, anyone who comes across it will be blessed!" 

Another participant shared, "Thank you for sending this. Your life's purpose has been discovered through your mom's death... It's pretty moving.  And your words and voice are very comforting and inspiring."  

I have total confidence that the education and mindset shifts, as well as the practical tools you will learn when you attend will allow you to walk away feeling more empowered, hopeful, and clear about grief and the possibility for healing and growth through suffering. 

As you will learn in the webinar, time alone does not heal; it is action within time! So register to begin taking action to heal or share with someone in your life who is suffering and ready to receive support on their healing journey.

If you aren’t already, join us in Living The Compassion Code, our free Facebook community to build bridges rather than walls.

We may have heard that vulnerability can lead to more connection, but how do we let go of all of our old beliefs and stories that tell us:

• To suck it up

• To be strong

• To not be too emotional

• That emotions equal crazy

• That feeling our feelings is usually synonymous with being a wreck, a mess, or out of control?

Many of us were taught to be strong – and that feelings (aside from the "good" ones) mean that we are weak. 

For me, so much of my identity was around being the happy, positive one. 

So on one hand, we are finally learning the power of vulnerability (thanks Brené Brown!!), and on the other hand, so much of our belief system and identity is wrapped up in being strong or unemotional -- or as I like to say “pretending to be fine.”

So how do we make the shift from knowing with our heads that vulnerability is “good” ----> to feeling in our hearts that vulnerability is safe?

It starts with self-compassion, or relating kindly to ourselves, and not diminishing our own suffering. 

So instead of comparing our story to someone else’s (compare leads to despair) we can recognize each person's experience is unique, each story is valid, and our unique experience was important to getting us where we are.

Recognizing that everyone has a story (including you) – and likely a grief story, is what can allow us to become compassionate and relate kindly towards each other.

As the old adage goes “hurt people, hurt people...” which means that the opposite can also be true, “healing or healed people, heal people.”

If you want to be part of the solution to help heal our divided, hurting world – the first thing you can do is give yourself some self-compassion for the hurts you have experienced in your life. 

By taking charge of your own healing (the only thing you really can control) and offering yourself the gift of compassion for your own painful experiences, you will have more to give to everyone else in your life. 

So if you are interested in moving beyond the pain of loss so you can lead by example in your life schedule a Light After Loss initial consultation today.

If you aren’t already, join us in Living The Compassion Code, our free Facebook community to build bridges rather than walls.

And watch my brand new webinar 4 Shifts for Moving Beyond the Pain of Loss so You Can Rediscover Meaning, Purpose, and Growth in Your Life.

"I thought 2020 would be the year I got everything I want. Now I know 2020 is the year I appreciate everything I have." - unknown 

Just a little update for those of you who have been following our moving saga-- our stuff finally arrived in Austin late last week after 6 weeks!!! 

Yay! 

Here are 6 reflections from the last 6 weeks while we waited for our moving van to arrive: 

1) You really don't need a whole lot of "stuff" to get by (even as a family of 4). 

2) Just surviving doesn't feel as good as thriving. 

3) There is peace in surrendering to what you can't control. 

4) I love my stackable matching Tupperware collection more than almost any other "thing" I own, and next time I move it is coming in the car with all my other valuables.   

5) Instead of feeling like we have to unpack, it feels like we get to unpack and each box is like a present. 

6) Even with our country feeling so divided, we have been met with nothing but kindness and generosity from strangers, family, and old friends during our time of need. 

Aside from all the unpacking of our things from Oregon, we are also unpacking and rediscovering things that have been in storage for years. 

Just like grief, unpacking can bring up a lot of emotions and memories. One of my favorite discoveries was a collection of old journals, and I thought to share an old poem I wrote that still feels relevant today.

Don't wait to say I love you;

we don't know what tomorrow will bring.

Don't wait to say hello;

the moment may pass you by.

Don't wait to say thank you;

they may never know your gratitude. 

Don't wait to dance; 

your feet are ready now. 

Don't wait to say I'm sorry; 

it may be hard but it's always worth it. 

Don't wait to let go of resentment;

it's not worth it to hold on to the pain. 

Don't wait to say you care;

they can't read your mind. 

Don't wait to love your body; 

it is what allows you to live this life. 

Don't wait to say I love you; 

there is no promise of tomorrow.

Love now. 

Maybe a few of these rang true for you, and you know in your heart that the time is now.

You just need to know the how.

So if you're asking yourself: 

"how do I let go of resentment?

how do I say I'm sorry?

how do rediscover my light after loss?"

Then it may be time to schedule a Light After Loss initial consultation with me so we can sort out your "how." 

So don't wait to start loving now and that starts with loving you. 

If you aren’t already, join us in Living The Compassion Code, our free Facebook community to build bridges rather than walls.

And download The Compassion Code Starter Guide to begin your journey of compassion, starting with yourself.

Do you ever find yourself saying, “I used to be more easygoing, fun, carefree?”

Do you ever feel like the person you are now doesn't feel like the real you?

Do you smile less or perhaps you’re less generous with your compliments?

If this sounds familiar, know that you aren’t alone. 

On our recent Light After Loss coaching call, one of our clients shared a similar sentiment to the ones above. 

They even went on to say, “It's the rigidity that I feel, and the fact that people in my life see me as difficult or demanding that makes me want to shift. This isn't who I think I am or who I want to be.”

If this is you, here is a bit of coaching to heal your perspective:

Ask yourself, "Where is the possible value in being demanding?

Perhaps it's that you are able to speak your needs and know what you want.

Next ask yourself, “Do you think that/ those qualities could have valuable?”

It's likely you would agree that there is some value.

You might even consider yourself an advocate, a truth-teller and someone who is clear on what you want and what you don't want. And with that, you are also brave enough to speak up for yourself and others.

With these questions, do you feel yourself shifting from judgment to curiosity and even gratitude for this part of yourself?

Do you know why our muscles get stiff when we are injured? To protect us from further injury. And how do we help our stiffness? By stretching.

If you aren't thrilled about the ways you're showing up in your life, here's what I want you to know:

Being rigid or stuck in your ways is not your natural state. It is what happens to protect you when you are hurting from unresolved grief.

So in order to “stretch” and heal your rigidity or the adaptations you created to protect your heart, you must first have compassion for the mechanism you used to protect yourself from further injury or heartache. 

Once you have given yourself the gift of self-compassion, you can choose to heal your unresolved grief.

Just like the physical tools of heat, ice, stretching, movement, and physical therapy which help our bodies regain flexibility and freedom, so too exist the emotional tools to help regain flexibility and freedom in our emotional bodies. 

If you are living with the emotional pain of loss, perhaps it is time for action. Time alone does not heal our wounds; it is action within time. 

We all need tools to move beyond our pain, and this isn't something we are taught in school, but it is something we can learn with the right support.

So if you are interested in transforming the heartache of your loss into meaning, purpose, and growth, schedule a Light After Loss initial consultation today.

If you aren’t already, join us in Living The Compassion Code, our free Facebook community to build bridges rather than walls.

And download The Compassion Code Starter Guide to begin your journey of compassion, starting with yourself.

Have you ever wished that someone could have shown up for you differently, done a better job, or been more supportive? 

Perhaps you felt disappointed that your expectations weren't met? 

You are not alone, as what we wish was "different, better, or more" is the definition of unresolved grief. 

On our recent Light After Loss coaching call, one of our clients honestly and vulnerably shared that she wished that her mom was able to support her more, both now and as a child. As she reflected on her disappointment, she couldn't help but justify her mom's behavior by saying, "she did the best she could." 

Have you ever diminished your experience by justifying someone else's behavior? 

I have. Partially because I have been afraid of what will happen if I let myself feel disappointed and upset.

I coached her through these questions:

Is it possible for your disappointment and sadness to exist simultaneously with your compassion and understanding? 

When she allowed these two experiences to co-exist, the answer that felt most supportive was that she would get to have compassion for BOTH herself and her mom. 

And how did your disappointment in your mom's way of being help shape you into who you are today?

She thought for a moment and then answered, “My disappointment with my mom helped me choose to be a better friend and a more available mom.”

So if you have had a time in your life where you felt like my client, how did your unmet expectations shape you and who you've become? How did your disappointment help you become a better version of yourself? 

If we shift from judgment to curiosity (the true path to compassion) we can see that life is happening FOR our growth rather than TO our detriment.

And if you are anything like me and many of my clients, the meaning we make about what happened is as important, if not more important, than what actually happened... and that is the part of the story that we can rewrite as adults. 

Choosing compassion for ourselves, our stories, and even the people who hurt us (unintentionally or intentionally) is what allows us to find peace. 

Here are my 5 steps to move from disappointment to peace: 

1) Acknowledge it by naming the feeling. Give yourself permission to feel it and even say, "it sucked" or "it hurt me."

2) Now, put on your compassion hat and ask yourself, "If I am giving them the benefit of the doubt, what are/were they going through that led them to act the way they are/were?"

**We make up stories all the time, so choose one that gives them the benefit of the doubt as an opportunity to let go of resentment (for YOUR freedom). 

3) With gentleness, ask yourself "What would I have wanted them to do in a best case scenario?"

4) How can I offer myself some of love, support, guidance, generosity, engagement or whatever else you were seeking from that person?

(i.e. Find a non-judgmental witness to listen to me because my parents were unable to do so. Take myself on the date I secretly wanted to go on. Write myself the thank you note I was longing for.)

5) Take a baby step. Once you have come up with a few options, choose one. Transformation starts with your thoughts... so remember, Life is happening FOR you, not TO you.

If deep diving into your past, healing your hurts, and rewriting your story so you can thrive in your life after loss is something you know you need, I have just the thing for you. Check out Light After Loss and let's begin your journey of letting go.

If you aren’t already, join us in Living The Compassion Code, our free Facebook community to build bridges rather than walls.

And download The Compassion Code Starter Guide to begin your journey of compassion, starting with yourself.

Have you ever made yourself feel bad or wrong for experiencing big feelings?

I have, and I know my clients have too. 

Recently on our Light After Loss coaching call, one of our amazing clients was having tremendous anxiety about an upcoming opportunity. Her body was having a big reaction to her anxious energy and she was feeling frustrated with herself. She said, “I know rationally I'm going to do well. I'm so prepared. But gosh my body doesn't think so.”

I coached her through these questions:

What does your anxious energy want for you? 

And how is your anxious energy helping you?

She thought for a moment, and then answered, “My anxiety wants me to do a good job.”

Diving deeper we found that her anxiety was there to motivate her to prepare and to take the opportunity seriously. It was also there to invite her to ask for help. 

So if the big feelings we have are FOR us as an invitation -- What do your big feelings want for you?

If we shift from judgment to curiosity (the true path to self-compassion) we can see our feelings not as bad, shameful, or wrong, but rather as an invitation to get curious. 

And when you remember that emotions are like a tunnel, you’ll know that before you can come out on the other side, you must acknowledge the tunnel itself. Having the willingness to say it aloud, to state your unease, will allow you to claim your inner peace. Then, you may actually feel incentivized to feel the big feelings and move through them, rather than ignore them or push them away. 

If you are anything like me and many of my clients who've been taught all of our lives to pretend we are fine, keep going, push through, even WIN … then learning how to feel your feelings, to allow them, and to move through them will truly aid in your ability to thrive no matter what you've been through. 

And ironically enough -- winning (whatever that looks like for you) will be a hell of a lot easier. 

Here are my 6 steps to move from judgement to curiosity when big feelings are knocking at your door (or are inside your living room):

1) Get quiet and observe your feelings.

2) Name it. What feeling are you having? (Remember, feelings aren't good or bad, they just are. In order for a feeling to be expressed fully, it has to feel safe and not judged.)

3) With gentleness, like you are talking to a child, ask it, "[Feeling], what do you want for me?"

4) Trusting that it is for you, listen to the answer. (Perhaps, even journal about it).

5) No matter what the response, as long as it is kind to yourself, thank that feeling for showing up honestly and vulnerably for your growth.

6) Take a little time for self-care. Whether that is just walking outside and putting your feet in the grass, calling someone who will support you and not judge you, doing some deep breathing, or signing up for Light After Loss so you can be supported weekly ;), self-care isn't selfish, it is a requirement for showing up as your best self with everyone else.  BOOM! 

If you aren’t already, join us in Living The Compassion Code, our free Facebook community to build bridges rather than walls.

And download The Compassion Code Starter Guide to begin your journey of compassion, starting with yourself.

Over the last few weeks I have felt this tremendous need and desire to complain. Have you ever felt that way?

As you may have read in my recent email, I am in the middle of a huge life transition—a move across country. While we already made it to Austin, I am still feeling unsettled. 

While I know and understand as well as anyone that moving is a massive grieving experience because it is the epitome of the definition of grief: “the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior,” I also feel that old “should” creeping in.

“Shouldn’t I feel excited and grateful?”

The truth is, I am excited and grateful, and I am also sad and uncertain… among many other feelings.

So I asked myself, “What need does complaining fulfill that is not being met right now?”

Here was my answer: I spent so much of my life looking at the bright side that I rarely gave myself permission to complain or grieve.

Complaining is necessary sometimes and can be redefined as venting, releasing, or feeling ALL the feels.

As the complainer or venter, often we just need someone else to hear, acknowledge and validate us by saying, “Thank you for sharing. That sounds hard.”

As the complainer, it sucks to feel negative, low, or like a downer, AND I have come to realize that when I am able to vent, the feelings pass through me much more quickly.

So, if you are like me, and you just need to complain or vent, I suggest you find a safe person who will not judge or try to fix you and say, “Would you mind giving me a safe place to vent for the next 5 minutes? I need to let some things out. You don’t have to fix it or offer advice; all I need is for you to say, “Thank you for sharing, and your feelings are valid.”

As I have been thinking about this unmet desire to complain, I realized that it comes from the fact that there isn’t much space for it. People, including me, want optimism. But where do you put all the other stuff? The gunk. It has to come out somewhere.

I want peace and contentment, but first I must give space for the gunk -- in other words, permission to feel all of my feelings.

Here are the first three steps to move from feeling like “life sucks” to feeling gratitude and peace:

1) Recognize that you have gunk that needs to be removed. (Are you complaining a lot? Are you in a bad mood more often than normal? Are you short with people you love?)

2) Acknowledge that your feelings are valid and normal. 

3) Vent. This can be to a safe, non-judgmental listening ear (preferably not someone who will be hurt by what you are saying) or a piece of paper that can receive your words and then be destroyed! The thing is, you have to let it ALL out.

Once you have awareness about what is in there and let it out, then you can take some action to fill yourself back up.

Filling yourself up is unique for everyone. So ask yourself, “what fills me up?” or “what has helped me feel better in the past?”

Here is what I do:

1) Sleep. Whether it is a nap or a full night of uninterrupted sleep, I need it. I wake up a new human.

2) Exercise or movement. Whether I walk, jump, dance, yoga, squat or swim, movement always helps move things through my body.

3) Nutritious food. Feeding myself nourishing, energizing food helps me feel good in my body. While traditional comfort foods have me feeling good in the moment, I limit them when under stress because I tend to feel worse after.

4) Connection and community. Whether it is a text, a phone call or a distanced walk, being in connection with people who fill my cup helps me reset.

5) Healthy touch. Whether it is self massage or a cuddle with my husband, kids, a stuffed animal (or if you have a pet), physical touch helps me come back to life.

6) A good laugh. Be it with friends, family, kids, or clients – no matter who or what, my body loves to laugh.

7) A good cry. Be it with friends, family, kids, or clients – no matter who or what, my body appreciates a good cry. I will even watch a sad movie if I need some help to get it out.

8) Creativity. I love to write, sing, dance, color, and draw, and I can even include others. This helps me be really present.

9) Sunshine and water. I love being outside with sunshine and water. My body loves to be warm.

10) Flow. For me, my work is my happy place because it gives me purpose and helps me feel like my best self.

What fills you up? Feel free to use anything I shared!!

If connection and community is your thing, then join us in Living The Compassion Code, our free Facebook community where you can begin connecting with others who value compassion, relationship, and connection. 

AND if you feel like your grief is big and you are ready to rediscover your light after loss, please schedule a Light After Loss Initial Consultation.

I'm sorry.

I'm usually a woman of my word, and I was not.  

Just a few weeks ago, I said that next week we were launching The Compassion Collective, a place where you can feel supported while you support others, and I meant it.

And then life happened.

Not sure if you know this, but my family and I are moving across country.

That's right, we are saying goodbye and see you later to our beautiful community and life in Hood River, Oregon to return to the place where Ayla was born, Austin,Texas. You may have thoughts, feelings, questions, and maybe even judgments, and that is okay. 

The truth is CHANGE can be HARD and CONFUSING, even when we choose it. This is a perfect example of the definition of grief we use at The Grief Recovery Institute, "the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior." As Ayla, my 5.5 year old daughter so eloquently put it, "moving comes with a mixture of emotions. I feel sad, and I feel excited. I even feel scared."

She couldn't have described my feelings more accurately. Now, moving with all the grief it includes does not take into account officiating my sister-in-law's (and now brother-in-law’s) Covid compliant wedding, saying goodbye to our nanny, oh and don't forget a global pandemic and the social change afoot... no wonder I have been all over the emotional map. 

Taking one baby step each day and being present to ALL of my feelings is literally the best I can do at this point.

Did I mention we have a 2 and 5 year old?!

As I write this I almost feel a sense of pride for how well we are doing and feeling it all.  

So coming back to my integrity and feeling the need to apologize. I had every intention to begin The Compassion Collective at the end of July (3 days before our lease ended) and then I realized just because I CAN, does not mean I SHOULD. 

What I wanted -- to launch, to grow the world's compassionate communication and connection, to give you support in your tough conversation, and the list goes on.

What I needed – to slow down, take a breath, focus on my family, moving, my officiating duties, and ultimately postpone the open door date to The Collective community by a few weeks (I will be announcing the new start date soon!)

Since another thing I stand for is self-compassion, and taking care of myself so I can more effectively care for others... this did feel aligned.

So there you have it.

I apologize for saying one thing and doing another. AND I appreciate your compassion for me and my experience.

What I hope you gain from this email is PERMISSION to take care of yourself, as well as permission to apologize. It is never too late to say sorry, and it does require some humility:).

If you have no idea what I am talking about with The Compassion Collective, check it out here.

Here's my intention once we get settled in a couple weeks: we do what we said, and we launch The Compassion Collective Community Membership, a place where we will make my tools and guidance easy and accessible for more people... people who genuinely care about others and who just don’t feel 100% confident navigating those big emotional or confrontational situations with ease.

Because let's face it, every day we are faced with uncomfortable conversations that would benefit from a little extra compassion. This includes topics like social distancing, boundaries, school leadership, virtual connection, navigating family relationships, and communicating feelings of vulnerability, insecurity, grief, and anxiety in times of uncertainty. 

Walking my talk means having this tough conversation and others, loving myself even when I unintentionally disappoint others, apologizing for my part, and then working to continue evolving and improving along the way.

Thanks for your support, love, and understanding through this transition.

Join the waitlist at www.laurajack.com/waitlist if you haven't already, and we will begin our journey together soon.

Below is the couple I had the privilege to officiate for this past weekend. They are as beautiful inside as they are outside. 

With the way of the world today, it feels important to share my truth with you. I share in hopes that my perspective with grief and compassion can offer some hope for a future that brings us out of isolation and division propelling us into compassion and connection. 

Before sharing anything else, I want to acknowledge the grief we are experiencing as a society. 

Grief, according to The Grief Recovery Institute, "is the conflicting feelings that come at the end of or change in a familiar pattern of  behavior." And unresolved grief is the "loss of  hopes, dreams, and expectations about what we wish was different, better, or more."

So when we think about all the recent changes, all the things we don't get to do, the school closures, the loneliness due to social isolation, the loss of jobs, the closing of businesses, the loss of trust, not to mention the fear and threat to our health and mental wellness... it is understandable that we are grieving. 

While what each of us is experiencing in our daily lives is unique, what remains the same and universally true are the wide range of feelings we have as  humans: confusion, overwhelm, anxiety, fear, discomfort, disappointment, uncertainty, hope, gratitude, relief, curiosity, worry, loneliness, regret, shame, determination, and the list goes on. 

During this time of change and challenge, the most important thing to remember is our common humanity. 

Grief is what unites us, as we are all human and no one is immune to the hardships of loss- be it the devastation and heartache of losing someone you love or someone important to you… or losing your hopes, dreams, and expectations about how you thought life, particularly your life or the life of those you love, would go. A loss of yourself, a loss of health, a loss of love, a loss of confidence, a loss of community, a loss of opportunity, a loss of hope, a loss of trust... 

What matters most to us is becoming clear. And what we are willing to put up with is changing. That is what grief does... it strips away the facade. It's where love has a chance to show itself, and where powerful movements like Black Lives Matter, #metoo, and LGBTQ civil rights are born.

This process, death of the old ways of being, doing, acting, can be painful... because change can be painful. And yet, the potential for a new beginning that we never thought possible is what becomes available.

The challenge I see? That grief is not something most of us were not taught much about. If anything, we were actually given a lot of misinformation about it. I am here to tell you this: 

When we are able to look at our grief with compassion and acknowledge and validate the grief in others, then love can outshine hate --- and our world can begin to heal. 

As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

Self-compassion is where healing begins. This means acknowledging our own feelings and heart-ache as valid, rather than dismissing them. Because dismissing our own grief experiences means dismissing the grief experiences of others. 

Therefore when we have compassion for ourselves and our stories, we are then able to have compassion for others.

Forgiveness also starts within. When we forgive ourselves- not through condoning or dismissing our own behavior, but rather by owning our part, apologizing, and having compassion for ourselves for the things we wish we had done differently... then forgiving others becomes possible.

This is what it means to be human (to me): to acknowledge our imperfections, to apologize when we hurt others, and to begin again with the intention to be kinder, more aware, and always growing.

If we are going to rise out of the pain of our losses and move forward with conscious, empowered intention...then the first step is recognizing that we have a choice, and that choice starts with how we decide to treat ourselves.

Once we have chosen self-compassion, self-forgiveness, and self-love, then we can choose a new path forward, and that path forward can be about building connection through compassion, curiosity, and understanding. 

And let’s be clear, it doesn’t have to be grand. It can start small by simply recognizing when we are unkind to ourselves and then taking baby steps to offer ourselves the loving kindness we need and want. 

It can also be the simple act of acknowledging a stranger, your neighbor, the person who is checking you out at the grocery store. It can be a thank you. It can be a deep breath before we react. It can be asking a question with curiosity rather than jumping to conclusions. 

In Grief Recovery we say, "loving yourself is having the willingness and ability to make your own choices without the need of approval of others"… in other words, reverence or deep respect for the beauty within you and for your life's journey. 

While loving another “is having the willingness and ability to allow others to make their own choices, without the need to satisfy you." So simply witnessing and having reverence for the beauty of another and their life’s experience is you loving another.

Once we make this shift, treating ourselves, our stories, our experiences, our journey with respect and self-compassion, then the Golden Rule of treating others the way you want to be treated (or the way you treat yourself) - will be a gift rather than a detriment.

As Desmond Tutu said, "My humanity is bound up in yours. For we can only be human together." 

So, if you are wondering what you can do to co-create a more beautiful tomorrow, you can start by healing your own heart... because as you do, your capacity to have compassion for others will grow exponentially. 

And since grief, recovering from the pain of loss, and connecting through compassionate communication is where I feel most helpful, I decided to create a webinar to help those who are grieving move from isolation to connection after experiencing loss. And for the sake of practical action, I even provide heartfelt scripts so you can compassionately ask for what you need from the people in your life who matter most while still protecting your heart. 

It is available now and the scripts alone are a valuable tool to help you move from isolation to connection after loss. Register here to begin doing your part to build a more compassionate world.

And, if you haven't read The Compassion Code: How to say the right thing when the wrong thing happens, now may be the time. 

Father's Day, like all holidays, can come with some baggage.   Like Christmas, Valentine's Day, or it's close relative, Mother's Day, Father's Day can bring up unresolved grief.  

While Father's Day is traditionally about honoring your dad and setting aside time to say thank you, this can be a challenging day for someone who has unresolved grief.  

When I say grief, remember, it doesn't necessarily mean that your dad has died, as “grief is the conflicting feelings that come at the end of, or change in, a familiar pattern of behavior.” Grief come in many shapes and sizes.  Perhaps your relationship with your dad isn’t what you hoped or dreamed it would be, your dad wasn't around when you were growing up, your parents divorced, or perhaps you’ve never even met your biological father, etc.  Since family can be complicated, it is important to remember Father's Day can be too.

If your dad has died and you miss him, this may be a special opportunity to spend time doing things you loved doing with him.  You can also consider doing something that he loved. I encourage you to set aside time to honor him in whatever way feels good to you.

If you have a less than loving relationship with your dad, living or dead, this may be a good opportunity to be kind to yourself. Perhaps do something for yourself that you wish your dad would have done with you or for you. Some people try to make amends on this day.  If that feels like something you would like to do, let me just give you a couple tips.  

1) If you want to forgive him, please note that forgiving people who have not apologized may come across as an attack.  Perhaps you can forgive him in your heart and not to his face.  
2) If you have an expectation of the response you want, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment.  Go into any interaction with your dad without an agenda, an open mind, and an open heart.  

As we say at the Grief Recovery Institute, forgiveness is not about saying what they did is okay, it is about letting go of resentment so that we can be free.  

So, as you go throughout this day, I want you to remember that it is normal to have feelings of sadness, longing, or just wishing things were different, better, or more.

Give yourself permission to feel however you feel and know that you are not alone in those feelings.  While I am fortunate to have a loving relationship with my father, Father's Day makes me sad because it makes me miss my mom.  She was always really good at making Father's Day special for my dad, which often leaves me not knowing what do for him.  

Whatever your story is, please know that you are not alone.  If you have the best dad or the worst dad; if your dad died or you sometimes think that would make it easier;  if your relationship with your dad is complicated and healing, or simple and growing; please remember that there is nothing wrong with you.  

You may look around today and see a whole bunch of people looking happy and celebrating their father, and you may even be one of them.  Just know that underneath the surface, everyone has a story, no one is perfect, and we are all just trying to figure it out.   

I hope that reading this message allows you to find peace this Father's Day.  To all the Father's out there, good and bad, who gave us life-- thank you.

For more support around grief and relating to one another more kindly through the challenges of life, subscribe to our newsletter and download the Compassion Code Starter Guide here.

Just a couple weeks ago, amidst this global pandemic, I had the privilege of speaking to a comprehensive health team for a school district down in Texas. It was so fun and amazing to be able to support, inspire, and educate so many mental, physical, and emotional health-care providers. It was so fun partially because so many of these amazing people give and give and give and give, and yet have very little left for themselves at the end of the day.

If you are someone who cares for others, at work or at home, and often neglect your own needs, this video is for you! Thank you for all that you do.

Hi there!

Today's message is to remind you to have self-compassion during these trying times of COVID-19.

As I've mentioned in past videos, “grief is the conflicting feelings that come when things change.”

So wherever you are and whatever you’re experiencing, I just want you to know that the range of experiences are completely valid as grieving experiences. It is also okay to feel whatever you're feeling.

Self-compassion means relating kindly to yourself during times of suffering.

Therefore, when you aren’t your best, when you feel like you fall short, when your temper gets the best of you, be kind and gentle with yourself. Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can. And when it doesn’t feel like your best, you can say just that, “I am sorry. I don’t like the way I behaved.” Or, “I don’t like what I said. I am sorry. Can I try that again?”

When you have compassion for yourself it allows you to be kinder and more compassionate to others.

Compassion and self-compassion mean giving ourselves and others the benefit of the doubt.

To learn more about the “how”, watch the video.

Stay healthy, stay safe, and stay sane.

XO

Laura